My Friends the Vigilantes

In my last post I jokingly referred to the pick-up truck drivers who take up two small car spots as vigilantes. It got me thinking back to my youth when we were all a little more idealistic. Some of my friends were "activist" idealists. They backed up their ideals with actions. They were true vigilantes. Now, Little Jackie Showers was no vigilante, so some of their methods were a little disturbing to me. So disturbing that I remember them to this day.

One friend was an ardent anti-smoker. This was back in the day when smoking was allowed in parts of a restaurant. These parts were known as smoking sections. Unfortunately the smoke didn't always stay in the section with the smokers. My anti-smoker friend took to turning over the ashtrays in the university cafeteria. Not sure what this did to the smokers, but I'm sure it didn't amuse the cleaning staff.

Another anti-smoking action by friends of mine involved the time a large team was travelling by plane. There were about 30 of us on the team and the "leaders" of the team saw to it that we had our seats in the smoking section of the plane. This effectively took up all of the smoking section and meant there was nowhere for the smokers to smoke.

Another friend of mine, I call him Vigilante Derek, was a man of action. Once while stopped at a light with him as my passenger, we saw a car in the next lane and just ahead of us jettison a paper drink cup with the lid still on and maybe even some pop still inside. Derek jumps out of the car, runs up to the cup, picks it up and chucks it back in the car window.

Now you might be cheering for Derek on that one as who likes a litterer. However, just so you get a balanced view on vigilantism I share one more story with you. One time while eating in a McDonalds, Derek happened upon a chubby pre-teen kid eating a Big Mac. Derek spoke up and asked the kid, "Are you sure you need that." Nice. The kid complained to his mom, but apparently didn't give a good description of Derek, because when the mom came over to our table it was me she gave heck to. I took the hit because that's what friends do. At least young idealistic friends. Nowadays, I'd rat him out.

Where are All the Small Cars?

There is an epidemic in the parking lots of my hometown. For some reason more and more of the spaces are marked with "small car". And yes the spaces are smaller. Much smaller in fact. What's happening here? Is this phenomenon global or just a local thing?

Increased small spaces would make sense if there were more small cars around. Apparently the owners of the parking lots, mostly shopping malls and other businesses, have not noticed all the large vehicles on the roads these days. I'm all for encouraging smaller cars, but I don't even think this is some kind of social engineering project by the parking lot industry. It just makes no sense.


It would seem that large pick-up truck owners agree with me that this makes no sense because they have taken up the vigilante position of completely ignoring the "small car" signs painted on the ground. In fact they aren't just ignoring "small car", but the lines themselves. They can frequently be seen taking up one and a half of these "small car" spots. Sometimes the SUV and Mini-Van crowds join in on this protest, but the Pick-Ups seem to be more effectively organized in their outrage. No word yet on what stance the Luxury Sedans are taking.

Put that Stop Somewhere Else

A couple of posts back I was complaining about B.C. Transit. Well I'm back at it. B.C. Transit are you out there? Please think on this:

For some reason there seems to be a desire to strategically locate bus stops just past an intersection on four lane connector streets. This means that during busy times the bus stops just on the other side of the light and blocks one of the two lanes of traffic going that way. This means that some cars either have to wait on the other side of the intersection and miss the light or in the case of the more inattentive or oblivious drivers they end up stuck in the intersection behind the bus. Now they're stuck there blocking traffic when the light changes.



Now I understand that they are trying to locate the stop near major intersections where people are transferring from one bus to another. I also believe in having a good public transit system. I just don't see why the bus stop can't be another 40 metres from the corner, allowing the cars to at least get through the light before they have to wait behind the bus. Answer me that B.C. transit.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Circus

Little Jackie Showers recently joined a lawn bowling club. Yes it is true and you youngsters out there can stop chuckling. I didn't sign up because of an urge to lawn bowl, although I suspect I may try out the game next summer. I became a member because of croquet, which of course is no laughing matter.

The thing about a lawn bowling club is they are very protective of their grass. The rules require you to wear flat-soled shoes whether you are lawn bowling or playing croquet. And they mean flat. No heel and no tread. Being a rule follower since my earliest days I decided that I best go get me some flat shoes. I hoped for some Stan Smiths, but these proved to be elusive. I mean, I'm sure they were out there somewhere, but it was Christmas Eve and I needed these for a tournament on Boxing Day. I only had time for visiting one mall.

The sporty stores and the old people's walking shoe stores didn't have anything that fit the bill. Having no success I began to realize my options were dwindling. Desperate times...

Call for venturing into "Aldo". Now for those of you not familiar with "Aldo" it is a shoe store for cool people. I do not belong there. Sure, sometimes I'll tag along while the missus looks at shoes and one time I even went in there alone to buy her a pair of shoes she had pointed out on a previous trip. But go into "Aldo" alone for myself was like going into La Senza to browse. It wasn't right.

Of course I quickly sensed that my discomfort was matched by the young, attractive and clearly hip sales girl that approached me. You see, guys like me and the "Aldo" girls don't cross paths. Our worlds are far apart. This fact was as obvious to her as it was to me. I was wearing sweat pants after all.

As it turns out there were several flat-soled products to choose from so she dutifully went and got my size each time I asked to try a different one. She would bring me the box and then drift off about twenty feet to cooly watch me out of the corner of her eye as I tried on the different pairs. I must give her credit for maintaining a visage not unlike those guards outside of Buckingham palace. Not a grin or eye roll escaped. But inside that head I know there was a pretty good situation comedy going on.

This is the shoe.

I ended up shelling out way too much for the shoes and then, dammit, most of the other croquet players showed up in their sneakers.

Where You Going Bus Driver?

Here's an annoyance with a solution. Anybody want to tell the people who matter?

Okay, so here's the deal. I don't know if this is specific to my hometown or not, but it seems unlikely. Here when a bus is on a street with two lanes going in its direction and is stopped at a bus stop blocking the right lane, the bus driver turns on the left signal when pulling out from the bus stop. The problem is that if you're coming up in the left lane you can't tell if the bus is just signaling it is pulling away from the curb to go down the right lane or if it is signaling that it is actually going to move into the left lane.

A bus signaling to move into the left lane makes sense, but signaling that it is pulling out from the curb seems unnecessary given that the bus is blocking the right lane and all it is doing is starting up and going down that same lane. The act of signaling this maneuver doesn't help anyone. It just causes confusion.

So here's my solution. When a bus pulls into the stop the driver should use the flashers. Everyone behind the bus will know the bus is stopping. When the driver wants to start again the flashers are turned off. Then we all know it is going to start moving. If the left signal then comes on we know it is going to move over one lane. No more guesswork, no more confusion, no more jamming on the breaks for no reason. Annoyance solved! Now if I can just get someone who matters to listen.

I'm Glad We Can Get Back to the Weather

Attention cashiers, yeah I'm talking to you again. Do we have to do the "have you finished all of your Christmas shopping" dance for the three weeks leading up to Christmas? This is only slightly less annoying than asking me what I'm doing for the weekend. Okay it is quite a bit less annoying than that, but still...

To be fair it is not just the cashiers, it might even be YOU! Do we have to treat Christmas shopping as if it is some horrendous task and all share our war stories. Oh the horror. I think you all know what I mean, even those of you who so innocently partake in this tradition of the festive season.

I like Christmas shopping. I don't see it as some chore that I'm dreading and can't wait to finish, but I usually don't start until real late. This makes the question "are you finished your Christmas shopping?", or its close cousin, "are you ready for Christmas?" rather amusing, especially when people start asking it two weeks before I even start to shop or get ready. I prefer the two day all out blitz just before Christmas. I go armed with my list and a wad of cash and get it done. And no, I don't want to be giving out no updates as I go.

My New Year's resolution is to do 52 blog posts this year. So keep me honest. Yikes, I just noticed that's how many I did last year. Here's to not backsliding.

Fruitcake Anyone?

Okay, it's time for me to step up to the plate and defend an easy target that keeps getting bashed unjustly at this time of year. Yes, I'm talking about Christmas Fruitcake. Fruitcake is the butt of more jokes at this time of year than tofu. I don't know whose Christmas Cake all these complaining people are eating, but the Missus makes a damn fine fruitcake and I'm pretty sure she hasn't got some secret that nobody else is in on. I say, lay off the fruitcake.