Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Buzz Off You Pests!

     Wasps bug me.  I'm sure they serve some kind of useful purpose, but like the rats that I have ranted against in this blog previously, they don't need to be serving their purpose while using my house.  Every year wasps try to find a place to build a nest somewhere on my property.  And my property isn't very big.  

     I might put up with the nest attempts in the vegetation or even the garage, but when they find little holes in the house to sneak into to build nests in the walls that is downright uncalled for.  I had to spray one two nights ago and tonight there is no sign of the little buggers, but if experience tells me anything, they're not dead yet.  Maybe I'll get lucky this time, but I figure I have only won the battle and not yet the war.

     These little varmints are pretty impressive in their determination.  One year I sealed in a nest that was built in an outside wall with that really thick plastic sheeting and some duck tape.  I mean we're talking serious plastic here.  I banged on the wall and they all flew out in a rage only to be trapped inside the plastic.  Easy pickings to be squished by my barbecue flipper.  No sports equipment for the wasps (regular readers will recall my penchant for dealing with rats using sports equipment such as hockey sticks and ski poles).  I carried on this program of violent extermination for about a week.  Then after a couple of days off I came outside to find they had chewed through the plastic.  That's got to take some effort.

     Another time we had a wasp nest in a hole in an outside wall.  I wasn't too worried about it until we started to find wasps stranded and lost inside the house.  About a dozen a day.  I figured something was up and I looked in the closet and they had eaten a hole in the wood and were expanding their nest into the closet.  Yikes!!  No more mister nice guy after that.  


  1. I thought I was commenting "first!" on your last commentless post. I didn't realize this was a new one. And a timely one. This afternoon I saw a wasp trapped in our little sun room. He wasn't leaving through the open door like I thought he should. I turned around and looked up and saw two little circles, about an inch in diameter, that looked like honeycombs, in two different spots on the wall. Were they the beginnings of a nest? I'm not experienced in this. Whatever they were, they're dust now.

    But after reading this, maybe we're in for more. Great. That's just great. Just when you think you're over the swine flu, the plague of wasps hits.

  2. Gah. Now I'm going to be on the lookout for wasps too. As if I didn't have enough to be paranoid about (as a skittish new homeowner).

    What's next? Locusts?

  3. For anyone new to living in a house, now is the time to go out and walk slowly around your home. Look up lots. Watch for streams of wasps coming from one particular location. Buy some nasty spray, but be careful with it.

  4. What's the consequence if you just let them be? Will they take over the house?

  5. Yes, and they will eat the children and grandparents first.

    Jack, you hit the nail on the head with the battle v. war comment. Check back in 100,000 years, and odds are humans will have receded so far into the rear view mirror of the Earth's history as to be unrecognizable.

    The wasps? They'll be building nests on our graves, man.

  6. Anonymous CashierApril 29, 2009 at 8:20 PM

    Ahh.. I love this time of year for the sunny weather, but I hate that it comes to be wasp and bee season.

    I've had an irrational fear of bees ever since I was two...
    I was sitting outside minding my own business and a bee came along and landed on my finger.. Not knowing what it was, I thought it was a kind creature so I decided to pet it.. Well, needless to say, it stung me and ever since I've had an irrational fear.

    Anyone have a cure?

  7. Squishing about a 1000 with a barbecue flipper made me feel pretty superior to them and I rarely fear them anymore. I killed 1000 and they didn't even get to sting me once.

    As for leaving them be, as I explained about the one nest that I let be for several months, they ate through that wall of the house and starting building inside. I wasn't really comfortable with that. You've got to draw the line somewhere.

  8. Wasps don't sting, Jack. They bite. Bees sting. And it's much rarer to get a bee sting than a wasp bite, cuz bees die when they sting you (they're entire abdomen gets ripped outta their body, along with their stinger, which they leave behind in you.)

    Don't get me wrong, I hate wasps too. They're fucking vampires, man.

  9. Wasps are like most pests, they come in cycles, and always have a weakness. We are due a bad year so heed my advice. Find the nest, wait till it's dark and then deal with them. Be sure to have a clear path to run away if they swarm. Over many years I've found that a couple of nights of spraying the nastiest chemicals you can purchase will rid you of them. Please remind me Jack to tell you a couple of my more entertaining wasp events.
    Cheers, xelA.

  10. Why do wasps nest on graves?