Annoyances , Anecdotes, and Absurdities

Shhh... I'm trying to listen to your friend sing!

2011-10-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

Okay, this annoyance is a common complaint of the people, but for some reason it isn't getting any better. People talking in the audience during a performance. Now I know there is some talk out there that this is a generational thing and that younger people don't have proper audience manners. Not sure about that, but in my latest run-in with talking audience members it was not a young person. In fact it would be fairer to describe this person as old rather than young.

I was attending a concert fundraiser and had paid $25 to see my son's high school R&B band play as one of three acts in the event. The first act was a local amateur gospel choir. They were putting on a pretty good show, but two women sitting in the row in front of me had periodic loud conversations through the second half of the choir's performance. It was very distracting. Then to my surprise when the choir finished these two women got up and left. Clearly they were there only to see the choir and were not interested in the other acts. Apparently they weren't really interested in listening to the choir either as they spent at least half the time listening to each other. What's up with that?

Jack is Back!!!!

2011-09-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

Hello any loyal readers who have wandered back to my blog that has been in an extended hibernation. What, you may be asking yourself, has finally compelled Little Jackie Showers to once again share his frustrations with the less than perfect thing we call civilization? I'll get to that soon enough, but first let us celebrate the return of "Jack".

This summer I read that in 2010 the name Jack made it into the number 20 slot of most popular baby names for boys born last year here in British Columbia. Who could have foretold of this wonderful event? The long dead name of Jack is back. Of course for me it has been a bit confusing to have youngsters with the name Jack because I have long known that when I hear the name Jack spoken that someone is talking to me (as there are virtually no occasions except around my Uncle Jack when there are any other Jacks around with the one other exception years back of a friend who made the unfortunate choice of obtaining an ill behaved dog named Jack and I had to suffer with hearing my name yelled in a scolding voice only to realize soon after cowering that it was being directed at the dog and not me.), but in this new era of "Jack is Back" I turn to see who is saying my name only to see some young tyke being spoken to by his parent.

Meanwhile back at the annoyances department I must have a word with all the men and perhaps young Jacks our there. Women you may stop reading now. You see men, I have a concern with the state some of you are leaving public washrooms in after you do your business. Specifically some of you are keeping the toilet seat down (certainly an unmanly thing to do by the way) and then leaving the evidence of your poor aiming skills on said seat. It's one thing to miss, but it's a totally unforgivable thing to not clean it up. It is behaviours like this that you wouldn't do in your own homes (or maybe I'm assuming too much there) but you figure it is okay to do when it doesn't affect you personally that lead to the demise of civilized society. That might be overstating things but the frequency with which I am faced with this annoyance is frankly pissing me off.

Dog Poop Ain't All That's Crap

2011-05-20T22:15:00.000-07:00

Hello again my little bloglodites. Alert reader, Lisa, correctly points out that dog owners sometimes leave their dog's crap behind instead of stopping to pick it up. Curious that this, like a number of dog related issues, is actually something that has changed over time. Used to be that nobody picked up the poop back when I was young. Or at least that's how I remember it. Am I right? At least now the person who doesn't scoop the poop is the exception. And I pity the fool who tries this around our vigilante hero, Guy, who is wiping out this kind of crime one dog owner at a time.

My take on this issue is that while I would prefer to not have to worry about "land mines" at any time, I especially take umbrage when the deposit is left in an area where people will be running around. If a dog poops on the boulevard that's annoying, but when people let their dogs crap on a sports field or a children's playground or school yard, well that's just plain irresponsible, rude, and unfair.

Digressing into an anecdote for a moment, back in Little League tryouts when I was a kid, I picked up a grounder that went right through some poop. I knew that ball was covered in the stuff, but I was being graded for the tryouts so I just threw it back. Don't know if that helped my score or not, but now there was poop not just on my glove but on one of the coach's gloves as well. I figured the evaluators watching would be impressed with my concentration.

While I'm pointing out irresponsible behaviour, here is another obvious one that is damn annoying and many others have taken umbrage at I'm sure. It's the leaving of furniture on the boulevard. This can be just as unpleasant and certainly more unsightly than some dog poop. C'mon people, don't be leaving your crap lying around for the rest of us to deal with!!

Friendly? I'll Show You Friendly!

2011-05-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

Time to pick on the dogs again or I guess it's the dog owners. Hands up if you've ever had this happen. A dog comes running at you barking ferociously and trailing behind it comes the owner saying, "Don't worry, he's friendly."

Now I could accept, "Don't worry, he's harmless," or "Don't worry, he won't bite," but you can't tell me that a dog that is running up to me and being threatening is friendly. Friendly? Yeah and Don Rickles is sensitive. Donald Trump lacks self-esteem. Some of my readers are big believers in positive reinforcement. I could go on, but I've got to take some bottles back to help pay for my next poker game.

Yes, Little Jackie Showers has been uninspired in 2011, but have no fear, there are still things out there annoying me.

O Canada? What do you think?

2011-04-15T22:17:00.000-07:00

Here’s an item I’d like to put up for discussion. Do we really need to have the National Anthem before sporting contests? Sometimes it seems to fit, but mostly it seems like a silly tradition. Maybe I’m missing something here, but I think not. It’s not really an annoyance, but it does strike me as odd.

For instance, who decides at what point a game rates having the anthem or anthems played before it. I bring this up because they played it before the final game of the B.C. boys’ basketball championship. They also played it before one of the semi-final games I attended. Yet, it was not played before any of the consolation games I attended in the tournament or games earlier in the year. So, at the high school level it has to be a really important game before we stop for the anthem? It also gets played at Little League baseball games, but not until you’re past the regular season and into the tournament playdowns leading ultimately to the Little League World Series.

What is the purpose of this tradition?

How Out of Shape Are We?

2011-04-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

It's time for Little Jackie Showers to weigh in on "voter fatigue". Yes, it is asking a lot of people to take a half hour from their day every year or so and go to the polls. I mean you've usually got to go a few blocks out of your way to do it. What are they thinking??

If anyone is seriously tired of voting, then I suggest they get themselves a stairmaster and/or starting exercising their mind each day with Sudoko or crosswords, because they must be seriously out of shape. This voter fatigue thing is got to be some kind of media myth. Can this really exist on the individual level? And if it does, can these individual voters really give two cents? Who needs their vote anyway.

The Conservative candidate in my riding came knocking on my door today. Seemed like a decent fellow and when I explained I wasn't likely to vote for him (in this election that's putting it politely) he came up with a pretty slick sales pitch based on strategic voting. He suggested if we give his party a majority it will give the other parties four years to get their act together and then knock his party out of power. Who knew Yogi Berra was running for the Conservatives?

2011-03-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

Here in Canada we are going through one of our favourite seasons. It is Roll Up the Rim to Win time. The iconic Canadian coffee shop, Tim Horton's, is doing their 25th annual contest in which customers can unroll the rim of their paper coffee cup (after drinking the coffee works best I find) and win fabulous prizes. This year I have won three coffees and two "donuts" to date.

I'm keen on this marketing gimmick, but I do have a bone to pick with Tim Horton's. If you order in or bring your own coffee cup then one of two things happens. Either you don't get a cup and don't get to roll up to win (which is clearly unfair or at least biased heavily in favour of people who like paper cups over ceramic mugs) or they give you an empty paper cup along with your non-paper cup so you can roll the rim (which is clearly wasteful). It would seem that there must be a simple solution to this and you'd think after 25 years someone at Tim Horton's would have come up with a way to give us a little Roll Up the Rim game piece without having to give us an empty cup.

Anyone up for a Face Wash?

2011-02-28T21:36:00.000-08:00

Those of you who have been sheltered from the evolution of the elementary school playground since having moved on from those days of your youth, might be surprised to hear that snow ball throwing is no longer allowed. Or at least it is rarely allowed anymore.

One recent local experiment allowed snow ball throwing, but only in one direction. Let me make this clear. Everyone had to stand at one end of an area and throw snowballs in a direction where nobody else was standing. I think there may have been a fence you could hit.

If those rules had been in place back in my day then I would have been robbed of one of my favourite anecdotes. Long time readers of this blog will remember that I have an anecdote regarding NHL player Greg Adams who I once struck out in a game of slo-pitch. You can read about that here if you missed it: The striking out of Greg Adams. However, that is not my only story involving a confrontation with an NHL player.

Back in elementary school on a snowy day the staff let us go out to engage in 1970's style playground fun. That's right, we pelted each other with snow balls and face washed each other with no mercy. I beaned soon to be NHLer Russ Courtnall (okay, so it was ten years later that he was in the NHL) in the face with a snow ball (okay, so I kind of packed it down a little too much, but that's what we did in the 70's) and he went down writhing in pain. I realized I had done wrong and went over to the circle of his friends that were gathered around him. As I tried to apologize his friends starting warning me that, "You better get out of here." I felt bad so I stayed.

Russ, no doubt because he had to live up to the expectations of his friends, got up and punched me square in the chin. It stunned me a little, but I didn't go down (I guess that's why Russ went on to be skill player in the NHL and not a goon. But I kid Russ, it did hurt but I was two years older than him at the time). I figured I had it coming so I just said nothing and walked away. That was problem-solving in the 70's.

Little Jackie Favre??

2011-02-20T20:33:00.000-08:00

Every time an older athlete mulls over the decision to retire there is a large segment of the public and the sports media that urge the player to quit while they are still at or near the top of their game. People wonder why the Roger Clemens, Brett Favres, and others keep changing their mind and unretiring.

Personally I don't buy into the idea that a player should retire to maintain their image. If they can still contribute to a team then all the more power to them. Why should they give it up if they still want to play and are good enough, even if they aren't as good as they once were. As for unretiring, I completely understand that and I think all those who make fun of those that unretire have never been in those players shoes. Little Jackie Showers has. I may have to pay for my shoes and be in no danger of getting paid to play, but I understand where their hearts are. After all it is the heart and not the mind that brings you back to play again.

I have always loved to play sports and as I age it gets harder to participate. Injuries and aches take some of the fun out of playing, but the longing to play is still there. The boy inside the man doesn't always grow up. If old guys love to play then why should they give it up? Just so other old guys can remember them as they were in their prime? I say not! I've already unretired from slo-pitch once and thanks to a funny thing that happened today, I may unretire from another sport as well.

This morning while out on a walk with the Missus we passed some guys playing a game of pick-up football. My friends and I played Saturday morning pick-up football for over twenty years before finally giving it up. As I watched them playing I said to the Missus that I really, really missed playing. Just a passing thought at the time, with no plan to address it. After that things got freakishly coincidental.

One hour later I drive my son to his high school musical rehearsal (good tickets still available at press time) and as we pull into the parking lot I see some more guys playing football on that field too. And these are old guys! I park the car and realize I even know one of the old guys. I get out and walk over to the fence to check things out and maybe find out if this is a regular game. The first guy who sees me, someone I don't even know, asks if I want to play. Just like that. He lends me his extra cleats and before I can let reason get in the way I'm lacing them up and I'm in the game.

These old guys were anywhere from late 30's to 60 and it turns out they've been playing this Sunday morning game for over twenty years (much like my defunct group). This week for the first time they were playing at my son's school. How's that for a fluke. The day that I'm pining for football, a group that's old enough for me and wants players, falls into my lap. I think I'll be back next week and I don't care what the sportswriters say.

Just Say No to the Breakfast Buffet

2011-02-04T19:55:00.001-08:00

A development on the hotel front in recent years has me wondering what we've got ourselves into. Hotels chains are almost all offering a "free" breakfast when you stay with them. At first this seems like a great idea, but I'm not sure. It can work out okay, but it can be annoyingly disappointing too. I just can't help but think that hotels feel the pressure to offer this, but I'd happily get three bucks off my bill and go without.

These breakfast buffets generally involve rather pedestrian options, often with shortages of what you'd like most, as well as line-ups for use of the popular appliances such as the toaster. The level of elbowing is somewhere between what you see in an NHL game and what I remember of Eaton's bargain basement. Seating is at a premium. If you don't mind eating a waffle standing up without syrup because they've run out and using a spoon to eat it since they've run out of forks then you probably won't mind the hotel breakfast buffet. Me, I think I'd rather find a coffee shop or restaurant nearby and have the hotel stick to the business of beds and leave the breakfasts to somebody else.

The problem is that it seems like you've already paid for the hotel breakfast, so going somewhere else seems wasteful. Nevertheless, I think that's going to be my game plan from now on, unless my hotel is in the middle of nowhere with no other dining options nearby. Either that or if I'm in the mood for a so-so cup of coffee and a very plain bagel in an unappealing setting while competing for the toaster with someone who must be related to Gordie Howe.

17 Minutes at the Mercy of Cineplex

2011-01-25T19:42:00.000-08:00

I went to the movies the other night. I don't get to do that often and the places I have been going to haven't been part of the big Cineplex chain. It seems things have changed a little at Cineplex since I last remember going. And I'm not talking about the popcorn.

I arrived just five minutes before the advertised show time and the line up for popcorn was quite long. Knowing there'd be previews, I decided to chance being late and get some popcorn. After all who can resist... Sorry, now I am talking about popcorn when I'd said I wasn't. Let's move on. I got to my seat a few minutes later than the aforementioned show time just when things were getting started (the screen was blank for a while when I first got there). The pre-show festivities consisted of a few previews and get this, eight advertisements. I'm not exaggerating, I counted them just so I could complain to you in an accurate fashion. Doesn't eight seem a little excessive? I remember when there was one ad and people booed. Now eight is acceptable? Sheesh.

I'm not against advertising in any philosophical or dogmatic sense, but I think if you're going to hold back the show for (and this is not an exaggeration either as I checked the time) 17 minutes after the much publicized start time to pitch stuff, then you're taking advantage of us. And I'm not talking about the popcorn, which if I wanted to I could. Since we're talking about getting taken advantage of. But I will hold back.

See you at the commercials!

Consider the Pansy

2011-01-20T22:26:00.000-08:00

Why is the pansy the flower that is singled out as the metaphor for wimpiness? As in, "Don't be such a pansy and get out there and deal with that unruly mob." Lacking any awareness of the flower world I really couldn't have told you what flower is a pansy until a couple of years ago. When I learned what a pansy is, I was shocked.

The pansy you see is an ornamental flower that is often used by people and our local governments in the winter. Outdoors!! The pansy is a tough little son of a bitch. It's the Clint Eastwood of flowers. So you see, the pansy is no Pansy!

Skiing - You're Never too Old to Start!

2011-01-06T20:38:00.000-08:00

Hey folks, welcome to the New Year and new possibilities. On the blogging front I will make no predictions nor set any public goals. I just hope that I can reduce the speed of the downhill trend from 52 entries in 2009 to 44 in 2010. Continuing that descent would lead to 36 in 2011. That would be three a month. Seems doable. Not that I'm promising or setting goals or any such thing. On with the blog...

I was skiing just before the highly anticipated New Year's Eve and got to thinking about the first time I ever skied. I was 12 or 13 and I went with my aunt, uncle, mother, brother and grandmother. Not the grandmother who has banging pots in the previous entry, but my other grandmother. Although I'm pretty sure Granny, as we called her, was a mean pot banger in her own right, she had never skied before the day we all went up to "Forbidden Plateau". Her first day of skiing was at the age of 59. She strapped on the boards with the rest of us beginners and spent a day on the bunny hill. That was here first and only day of skiing and it was, as far as I know, injury free. She crossed it off her list and moved on.

So this means that for most of my readers who haven't tried skiing yet, that it's not too late to start. Even for you, Dan. I think.

New Year's - Overrated?

2010-12-29T20:02:00.000-08:00

We're coming up to New Year's Eve and I must admit it is not one of my favourite holidays. Don't get me wrong, I'm okay with it, but I have never gotten too excited about the countdown and the hype surrounding the beginning of a new year. In part, as I've blogged before, because it doesn't really seem January is the beginning of anything. It's more like the dog days of winter.

My fondest New Year's memories are probably from when I was a small child and never stayed up past about 9 pm, but on New Year's Eve at Grandma and Grandad's house my little brother and I stayed up till midnight (either that or we went to bed and then were woken up for the big countdown). When the clock struck 12, Grandma would step out on the porch and bang on a kitchen pot like there was no tomorrow. We would join in with the festive noisemakers she had provided. It was quite a striking event as it was quite out of character for Grandma to do anything flashy or attention getting. Unless you count hammering on a piece of beef liver to tenderize it for the cat.

As a younger teenager I first learned the true meaning of the New Year's event when I accompanied an aunt and uncle to a party on the Mt. Washington ski hill. This is where I learned that New Year's is a time when everyone drinks enough so that they can be uninhibited when it comes time to do the New Year's kiss.

Extra, Extra, Read All About It - Christmas Light Thieves Apprehended!

2010-12-19T21:59:00.000-08:00

In this time of festive Christmas decorations adorning homes everywhere, I harken back not to hear the angels sing, but to my Dad's battles with the Christmas Light Thieves.

My father, when he was still with us, was always big on Christmas lights for our house. He would put them on all of the bushes in the front yard and on the house itself. Unfortunately, someone would keep taking bulbs out of the strings of lights. At first this not only annoyed, but confounded my dear ol' Dad. Confounded until he found evidence of light bulbs being smashed on the ground around the neighbourhood. Someone was getting a kick out of the popping sound they made when thrown on the ground. A lesser man may have decided that this was just the cost of doing business in the house decorating department, but my father was a man of action.

How do you catch a Christmas light bulb thief? It is simply really. You string up fishing line criss-crossing the yard and attach one end to a bell inside your bedroom. Then in the middle of the night when the thieves come on their rounds, they can't see the near invisible fishing line and ding-a-ling, you spring into action. This plan also requires you to have the skill to quickly get into your clothes and run outside, something Dad was adept at. He was able to track the ne'er-do-wells to what was known as the "Newspaper Shack", where the teenage boys who delivered the morning paper got their stack of broadsheets to deliver early each day. It was these employees of the local paper who were the culprits. And the light bulb crime spree was brought to an end by the efforts of one fan of Christmas.

Somewhere ex-paper boys are sitting around a bar drowning their sorrows and telling the tale of the time their promising careers in the journalism industry were crushed by some sports fisherman who tracked them down for stealing his Christmas lights.

A Little Less Zoom-Zoom

2010-12-12T19:55:00.000-08:00

While we're on the topic of vehicle safety, here's something that bugs me. Advertisements for cars that focus completely on how fast and racy the car is. Like we should be driving super fast in our cars.

We don't need to go any faster in our cars than a run of the mill car can go. Maybe you want a car that's a little more sporty than that, but the cars are being promoted as capable of unnecessary feats of speed. Then out on the roads you've got people racing along in an unsafe manner. Of course, as I've said before a lot of these people aren't in the "fast" cars, but in their SUV tanks that seem to give them a sense of invulnerability similar to NFL players who lead with their helmets.

According to a study by Transport Canada: "The number of victims killed and injured in speeding crashes is comparable to the number of victims from alcohol-related crashes. Drinking and driving is widely viewed as socially unacceptable, thanks to enforcement and public education. Considering the magnitude of the speeding problem, endangering road users by driving too fast deserves the same stigma as drunk driving."

So, at the risk of being an old geezer, I encourage you all to chill out and take your time.

Another Problem Solved

2010-12-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

There seems to be quite a battle going on in our province and other places over the issue of drinking and driving. Here in British Columbia the government basically decided to tighten up the rules and effectively lower the legal limit from 0.08 % alcohol to 0.05%. There is some controversy over the end run they have done around the legal system by going to a fine and suspension system rather than battling drivers in court. I dealt with that in an earlier post. This time I want to look at a different facet of this debate.

The problem with these drinking and driving laws is that people don't really know when they are over the limit. If the rule was no drinking and driving it would be easy, but whether the limit is 0.05, 0.08, or something else, how do you know when you're over it? You guess. Cautious guessers won't go afoul of the law, but some will. Why the guesswork? It would be like if we didn't have speedometers in our cars but were expected to stay under speed limits. Would that be fair or even possible? So the answer is to have a way for us to know what our blood alcohol is before we step into the car and not to find out once we're at a road block. How expensive are these breathalyzers anyway?

Google it! I found this website: http://www.breathalyzercanada.com/?gclid=CNG9z7T34KUCFQYEbAod_VEj3g

Hmmm.... For a $100 bucks you can get one. $200 to get a good one. That doesn't seem like much given the importance of the issue. This should be promoted as a solution to the problem and breathalyzers should be in common use by all of us. Who wants to get me one for Christmas?

Who Else Wants to Fix the Calendar?

2010-11-27T18:25:00.000-08:00

Tonight marks my 40th post of the year, which was my revised goal (see my post from July 3rd) once I admitted that 52 was not likely to happen. So quit bugging me about 52. If anyone other than my regular commenters is concerned about me dropping below one post a week, then I ask you to put in a little more effort yourself and make some comments. Nothing inspires Little Jackie like feeling he's being paid attention to. Now on with post 40 of the 2010 season.

We are getting near the end of the year and that makes me think of a bone I have to pick with the calendar. Two bones in fact. One about the year and the other about the weeks. Let's start with the weeks, because it is clearly the most glaring of the two annoyances when it comes to the calendar.

According to the calendar (I don't know who makes up the rules for calendars that we all follow so uniformly - and I'm all for calendars being uniform) the week starts on a Sunday and ends on a Saturday. How ridiculous is that? Everyone refers to the weekend as Saturday and Sunday, but on the calendar these two days aren't the weekend. Saturday yes, but Sunday is clearly the weekstart on the Calendar. Why doesn't the calendar week start on Monday like we really all think it does and finish on the Sunday?

This would work way better when planning weekend activities as well because, get this, the two days would be right beside each other on the calendar and not down one line and way over on the other side. Am I right? Can we fix this?

Meanwhile the year begins in January. Why? Well I'll tell you why. It is because that is the date that the new consuls in the Roman Empire took office. Seems like a great reason for us to continue doing it today. Probably just as good a reason for having the calendar week start on a Sunday. That reason? Inertia. Change is difficult. However, people, the time for a change is now!

January is not the start of the year in any real sense. It's the middle of winter in our hemisphere and the middle of summer in the south. Nothing is starting up then. I suppose that makes it hemisphere neutral, but since when have we in the North been worried about that. Let's move it to a sensible time. The start of spring comes to mind. Or how about the start of the school year which seems like the start of the new year in a lot of ways. And not just for the kids and teachers. Then we'd have two big celebrations at two different times of year, not two in a week like we do now. What do you all say? Are you with me??

Okay, maybe changing New Year's is not in the cards, but lets at least do something about the calendar week. Roman empire be damned!

Better Lucky Than Good

2010-11-11T20:47:00.000-08:00

Warning: This entry is very hockey puckish.

The last five Stanley Cup winning goaltenders were: Anti Niemi, Marc-Andre Fleury, Chris Osgood, Jean-Sebastion Giguerre, and Cam Ward. What do all these goalies have in common? None of them are considered one of the great goalies in the NHL. Maybe some might say Cam Ward is a top ten goalie, but not better than Roberto Luongo of the Canucks of Vancouver.

When I say that Roberto Luongo is overrated, I don't mean it in the sense that he's not as good as people think (although with the difficulty in judging a goalie that may also be true - see this link: http://www.thegoalieguild.com/?p=4309 ). What I mean is that his value to the Canucks is overrated. Commentators seem to think you need a great goalie to win the Stanley Cup, but that clearly isn't the case. Then you'll hear you need a hot goalie to win the cup, but these 'hot' goalies aren't necessarily the best goalies. So why waste your money on a premium goalie? Just make sure you don't have a bad one.

Bottom line is I'm tired of hearing how Luongo is the difference maker. If the Canucks win the cup it will be because they play solid defensively and have enough offensive talent to beat a hot goaltender. And Luongo will have to play well enough not to lose games for them. Even Marc-Andre Fluery can do that.

Lay Off The Beiber

2010-11-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

I vote for laying off Justin Beiber. You see it's not his fault that he's overrated. He's merely taking advantage of the poor judgement of one large sector of society. Same as Hannah Montana. The way I figure it these celebrities have done nothing wrong. All criticism goes to the people who think they are more talented than they are, not the celebrities themselves. What would you have them do? Call a press conference to admit that they aren't really all that good and that people should stop making a fuss about them?

So I say all the more power to Beiber and those overrated successes that went before him such as the Spice Girls, Harry Potter, Britney Spears, and Roberto Luongo.

Trick-or-Treating. Not Just for Kids Anymore!

2010-10-31T22:46:00.000-07:00

Halloween night is almost in the books. I'd say it was, but just ten minutes ago something exploded across the street and caused a lot of smoke. All's quiet for now.

I'm on the fence on this post's issue, but I'd love to hear what my readers think. Tonight we got a fair number of trick-or-treaters. I'm going to estimate we had about 25. The thing is of these I'd say only five were under 12 years of age and at least half appeared to be high school students. When did trick or treating become predominantly for teenagers? Is this just a thing in my neighbourhood or is it happening everywhere? Is it harmless fun or is it inappropriate? Should we smile and enjoy these happy teenagers or scowl and tell them to grow up? I don't know. We recently made fireworks a lot harder for kids to get their hands on during Halloween (it used to be a big thing here), so maybe they've replaced that more dangerous and destructive activity with trick-or-treating. If that's the case then I guess it's a good thing.

What I do know is that Halloween has undergone more evolution than any of our other festivities during my lifetime with the possible exception of Boxing Day. Boxing Day of course has gone from the day to recover from Christmas to the day to go out and spend all your Christmas money and that's a big shift, but can you really count Boxing Day as a festive occasion? Christmas has gotten more commercial, but that's just a continuing trend that people have been complaining about for 100 years or more. Easter and Thanksgiving seem pretty much the same as when I was a kid.

Halloween meanwhile has undergone considerable evolution besides just the teenagers-as-trick-or-treaters phenomenon outlined above. Today I went for a walk in the neighbourhood and was amazed at the number of houses that were decorated for Halloween. That used to be very rare when I was a kid, but now there are lots of houses that do it. That's okay, but I'm not joining in. The other thing is the sexualization of Halloween costumes. That was pretty much non-existent thirty years ago (or at least it was waaaayyyyyy more subtle). This seems pretty strange and you`ll be happy to know I`m not joining in on that either.

This is nothing like the witches I grew up with.

Have You Heard the One About the Lawyer...

2010-10-29T22:55:00.001-07:00

There has been a lot of talk in these here parts about a corruption trial in our province of British Columbia. Two bureaucrats were investigated for corruption and were found guilty. As part of the plea bargain they only had to pay back the money they accepted and they didn't have to pay their legal fees. A lot of letters to the editor in our paper have expressed outrage that the $6 million in legal fees will have to be paid by the taxpayers.

You know what bugs me. It bugs me that it took seven years and $12 million dollars in legal fees to get to the point that you could get these guys to take a plea bargain. If it takes that much time and money to prove they are guilty you have to question if it is worth the fight. Why not just fire the guys and move on. The real crime here is a legal system that can milk the taxpayers for $18 million between the prosecution and the defence. If these lawyers are so good at their jobs that they deserve this kind of compensation then they should be able to prove their case in less than seven years.

Our province has recently changed the way it deals with drinking and driving. Instead of trying to prosecute drivers with breaking the law of drinking and driving, fines and impounding cars are the new way to penalize people caught with a high blood alcohol content. The driving force for this change is the time and cost involved in prosecuting such drivers. In this case the lawyers priced themselves out of the job. Maybe the government is on to something and should see where else they can do an end run around our over-priced justice system.

My, that's way too serious waters for Little Jackie Showers to be treading in. By the way, I know this one lawyer, Sue L. Her rates are very reasonable.

Let Go of That Hand

2010-10-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

By popular demand, or at least one person sort of implied I should, I have another sports topic. It has sports, but perhaps it is not so much a commentary on sports as on another of the problems with our society today. Nothing quite as annoying as when a cashier asks you if you have anything planned for the weekend (yes, it happened to me again today!!!!), but still a problem if you ask me.

I know what you're saying, "C'mon, Showers get on with it, what is your shirt all in a knot about now?" It's simple. Holding Hands Soccer. Yeah, that's right, soccer played while holding hands. I don't think it's officially known as Holding Hands Soccer, but it is definitely an outrage.

I accompanied a friend recently to his son's first soccer practice of the year. When we arrived the age group below my friend's son was on the field. These children were four and five year olds. They were having a little scrimmage, but much to my consternation the players were holding the hands of their parents. The parents would run along with the kid and the kid would play the game. A couple of problems here might immediately come to mind. What if your parent is slow afoot? You're at a serious disadvantage in this game compared to the players with perhaps younger, fleeter parents. "Damn it Dad, get the lead out, I'm trying to score a goal here." Secondly, what if one of the parents is a little too competitive and starts dragging his kid along behind him as he races down the field to get to the ball? The kid's all covered in mud and grass and bouncing along like a rag doll hanging off his pop's arm. Yet these obvious problems are not what I am here to take issue with.

The problem is, what the heck are kids doing holding their parents' hands while playing the game? It was explained to me that this was to teach them positioning and other fine elements of the game. C'mon. If the kids need someone holding their hands to play the game then they are clearly too young to be playing the game. At least at an "organized" level. Take your kid out and kick the ball around with him, sure, but don't drag him around by the hand to play a "real" game. Besides the beauty of little kids soccer even at the six and seven year old age group is the preferred strategy they use, which I like to call the beehive formation.

What are kids that young playing organized sports for anyway? It's because if they don't offer soccer to little kids then maybe one of the other sports offers a program for little kids and then they become hockey or rugby players instead. Soccer has to compete to keep the athletes coming to them because as I've already complained about in an earlier post, this has become the age of sports specialization (see today's Vancouver Sun for more on that) and once kids get into a sport it takes over their sporting lives and they don't get to try other things. If you don't get them first then you might not get them at all. Someone needs to step in and tell these sports to back off and let the kids reach a sensible age before slapping a uniform on them. That same someone needs to tell parents to give their head a shake and not sign up for Holding Hands Soccer.

And if you are one of those parents then let go of that hand and go kick the ball around with your kid. Then when you're done teach them how to hold a hockey stick and hit a baseball. Sure they might not make the pros in any one sport but they'll be really good in high school gym class while everyone else can only do one thing. Unless of course their parents show up to hold their hands.

Do You like your Kernels Burnt?

2010-10-11T21:10:00.000-07:00

Are you like me when you step up to a microwave oven other than your own familiar one? Which button do you hit first. Some want you to put in the power level first, some the amount of time. Some want you to do who knows what. Can't we have a standard microwave operating procedure? Is that too much to ask? And trust me, you don't want to use that "popcorn" button, at least not for popcorn.

That's all I got. Anyone got a good microwave anecdote?

Good Enough for Bronze

2010-10-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

Sit right back kids and you'll hear a tale, a tale that follows nicely on my crushing rebuke of the International Swimming Federation (or whatever they call their cabal).

You see, back in the day, Little Jackie Showers was once in a competitive swim club. Okay, perhaps not that competitive, but we did race. I was in my elementary swim club in grade three and I competed in races. Being the strategic type, even at that young age, I had a strategy for success. I sussed up this whole swimming thing early on and concluded that there was no way I could be the fastest guy in the pool. Fastest at swimming fast that is, but swimming as I've already explained has a loophole where getting there fastest isn't the only criteria.

What I figured out was that if I worked hard on one of the "other" strokes then maybe I could get decent at it even if everyone could kick my butt in freestyle. In fact if I just put my energy into practicing one stroke and tanked it when racing in other events in the three other strokes then I just might have a chance. So I became a backstroke specialist. I couldn't swim worth crap, but I could do a pretty good backstroke.

Yes, sports fans, you know the 3rd best backstroker in the grade 3 class at Willows school in 1972. Amongst the boys that is. A field of at least a dozen and I was better than most of them.

Exactly!

What next? Kickboard events?

2010-09-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

This topic might not seem timely, but it was an interesting topic of conversation at the Showers' family dinner table the other night. It may also raise the ire of some of my not so loyal readers and maybe, just maybe, get them to post a comment. Here's hoping.

The topic of conversation that got us all in a tizzy was the sport of swimming. Namely the plethora of events in the sport of swimming. The swimmers it seems have discovered a way to give away more Olympic medals than any other sport. The gymnasts try hard to keep up with the swimmers in this department, but they still have a lot to learn. You see, these swimmers have the nerve to not just have a race to see who can go from point A to point B the fastest. They make up different ways you can get there and each way is its own event.

Sure, running races are run at different distance lengths as are speed skating races. I don't begrudge swimming the different events for different lengths of the race. I do take exception to there being four different methods of swimming with each being its own race and a fifth race thrown in called the "Medley" where you use all four. This would be like if running events were broken down into different ways of running. We would have the 100 metre backwards running, the hundred metres with hands clasped behind your head, the 100 metre freestyle, and the 100 metre duck walk.

Freestyle? It's called the freestyle because you can use whatever method you like, but everyone uses the front crawl. It's the fastest way to swim. Why have a race that doesn't allow you to propel yourself in the fastest way possible? That's called race walking and we all know how silly that is.

Imagine if when Dick Flosberry invented a new method to do the high jump, known as the Flosberry Flop, that high jump split into two events. One event for people using the "scissors" method and another for the floppers. No, high jumpers were not that silly. They realized the point was who could jump the highest and if there was a new way to jump higher then people should use it to jump higher.

Keep an eye on those cross-country skiers. They've been watching the swimmers and are making attempts to copy the swimmers medal hogging ways in the winter olympics. They've now got two methods used in separate events. There are events using the "classic" or traditional technique and ones in which you can use the newer skating technique (or essentially freestyle - whatever works best). Not only that but they have different events based on how the race is started. Some are called mass starts and others are pursuit events (staggered start with the best time winning). This is a disturbing development.

If swimmers or cross country skiers were running hockey, they'd have one league for players using curved sticks and another "classic" league with players using straight sticks. Basketball players would compete in games like we see today, but there would be other games that did not allow jump shots and players would have to shoot free throws underhanded. I could go on, but you get the picture.

As bad as I may be trying to make these swimmers out to be, it is in fact worse than this. You see, the swimmers started out with just freestyle events in the first Olympics. Then they weren't satisfied with just being able to win a few medals, so they started inventing new, get this, slower ways to swim so they could compete for medals in these one hand behind their back type races. I'm sure the international swimming federation is right now sitting in their boardroom trying to think of new slow ways to swim, so they can further increase their medal haul and have the next Michael Phelps dominate the Olympic coverage. Shame on you swimmers. Your Mark Spitz is no Carl Lewis.

Carl Lewis won his multiple medals by doing multiple things. He ran and he jumped.

Safety Fast!

2010-09-26T18:52:00.001-07:00

This summer I had the obligation to ride an ATV around the dunes of Oregon. This was not an activity that I would choose to do, but I did not want to rob my teenage son of the joys of riding around the dunes and he required my presence to be allowed to ride. So ride I did. Yee haw!

In addition to needing my adult presence, there was also a requirement that we listen to a safety presentation. This safety presentation consisted of a five minute video and some additional information explained to us in person. We also had to read a sheet of information. This five minute video had enough information for about a twenty minute lecture and was delivered with breakneck speed. It was comical really. Clearly the intent was to meet the requirement of delivering the safety information. Whether we were able to take it in or not was not much of a concern.

My son and I survived our experience in the dunes that day with our bodies and manhood in tact. Well maybe that's a slight exaggeration on the latter point. Safety first after all.

Big Oil is Fairer Than Big Banks

2010-09-15T21:52:00.000-07:00

Today I'm going to talk about something that's not really annoying, but just plain silly. I'm inspired to do so because I've noticed that the local Esso station has decided to stop the insanity and post a gas price of $1.12. What's so special about that you say?

Why is it that gas prices are posted to the tenth of a cent as in $1.11.9. I can think of nothing else that is priced to the tenth of cent. Why gasoline? It's craziness. On a 50 litre tank of gas the difference between paying $1.11.9 and $1.12 is five cents. I guess five cents a tank can add up. And you thought the gas companies were trying to rip us off.

At the same time that gas prices are posted in giant signs outside the stations in what is at least fair to the customer, the banks are being weasels by hiding the price of using their ATM's and THIS is annoying. Why is it that the service charge for using an ATM isn't posted on the machine or given right at the start of using the machine? Nope, they have you go through all the steps of taking out money, and then at the very end ask you if the $2.00 or $2.50 or whatever charge is okay with you? How annoying and slimy is that.

And is it just me or is the price of using ATM's going up. No, not all ATM's, but more and more ATM's are going for the $3 charge. The ultimate weasel and price increase move is being perpetrated by an ATM I visited in Safeco field in Seattle, home of the Mariners. It didn't even tell you what the service charge would be, it just had a sign on the machine telling you that you had to accept a service charge if you used the machine. It was a mystery service charge. It didn't even show on the receipt. When I checked my bank records it turned out to be $5. Yeah, yeah, I know I shouldn't be using an ATM in such a place, but I tried it out to find out just how low the ATM business can get. And it can get pretty low.

Who's Your Mama?

2010-09-06T10:09:00.000-07:00

During my trip south of the border this summer in the good ole US of A, I commented on the little differences between our two countries. One more difference I noticed but failed to pass along was with regards to the fast food chain, A&W. Our visit to the A&W in Oregon put us on familiar ground as the American establishment was pretty much the same as what we’d find in Canada, except for one glaring difference.

In Canada, A&W bills itself as “The Home of the Burger Family”. There is the Papa Burger, the Mama Burger, the Grandpa Burger, the Teen Burger, the recently introduced Uncle Burger, the Baby Burger and the Mozza Burger. I remember when my Mozza and I used to go for walks together on the beach, but I digress.

In the U.S., the home of family values, the only such burger on the menu was the Papa Burger. No mamas, teens, or grandpas. The other burgers had names like the bacon cheeseburger. What’s up with that? Why keep the Papa, but dump the rest of the family?

Good news is that no matter what side of the border you are on, you can get you’re A&W root beer in a frosty cold glass mug. How awesome is that?

What's Next? Instructions on How to Pee?

2010-08-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

Way back on April 1st, 2009, my blog entry was a complaint about overly obvious or useless signs. You can look it up. Not quite in the same category, but similar, is my complaint for today.

Increasingly food establishments are posting hand washing instructions in their washrooms / restrooms / bathrooms or whatever they call it in your neck of the woods. Sure you might see this as helpful, but I just find it annoying. I suspect that it is a way to guilt staff members into washing their hands and who can argue with increasing the rate of handwashing amongst the staff in a food serving establishment. Not I.

Here's what bugs me though. Why does anyone have to be guilted into this or even reminded of it for that matter. I know that studies show that people will skip this step and that's just plain annoying. Not the studies but the people who do that. Especially if they work in one of these places.

Furthermore, why do these signs actually give instructions on how to wash hands correctly. Who is getting to the age when they can read these signs and actually learning anything? "Hey, who knew you should actually scrub your hands together?" Anybody who is too uncaring or rude to wash their hands is probably not going to take the time to read the instructions and seriously folks, does anyone really fail to wash their hands because they don't know the complicated steps to accomplishing this task?

Don't forget to vote in the poll to the right. Coming soon, a poll a week.

I Don't Get It

2010-08-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

Well there's good news this week on the comic strip front. "Cathy" is retiring. Now I get that different people will find different things funny, but I also believe to some extent that funny is funny and as far as Cathy goes I find it difficult to believe that it is funny.

Truth be told I've given up on the comic strips to a great extent. It must be hard to come up with ideas and this is amply demonstrated by the low batting average of most of the strips. So, given that most days I won't get many laughs or even a chuckle, I don't read the strips. Except for Dilbert. That one I like.

Given all that, for most of the strips I understand why they exist and how they are sometimes funny and manage to stay in the paper. What I don't understand is the longevity and continuing existence of "Family Circus". A better name for this would be Lamely Circular. The creator Bill Keane has made a living pointing out what kids do and most of what kids do is not that funny. Observational humour I think it is supposed to be, but it's strong on the observational and weak on the humour.

I remember thinking when I was younger that maybe when I have kids I'll get it. Nope. Oh maybe he finds a gem now and then, but his percentage puts those in the diamond in the rough category. (I must admit to a perverse joy left over from my childhood - man this strip has been around a long time - when Mr. Keane does the Saturday comics where he shows little Billy's trail through the neighbourhood).

I know the daily circle is rarely funny because I am for some reason drawn to Family Circus even though I know my hopes will be dashed. When I decide to read it the thought that comes to mind is one of those wasp traps that has about one hundred dead wasps in it already, but still the wasps keep coming. Can't they see all the other wasps who have tried and failed? Why do they keep coming?

So, while I say good riddance to "Cathy", but I don't have much hope for the rookie strip that takes her place to be much better. After all, if there were good ones out there wouldn't Bill Keane be retired by now?

Observations from the Road - Part Two

2010-08-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

In case you missed part one, I'm traveling in the foreign country of the United States of America. Perhaps not foreign to you, and not so different from my country Canada as to cause any real confusion for me, but it is interesting to note the subtle little differences between these countries.

For me, Trash is the place I send unwanted emails or computer files. I do not throw my waste in the trash. I throw it in the garbage. I know what someone means when they say "take out the trash", but I'd say "take out the garbage". At some hotels they advertise a "spa". To us that means a place you can get a massage or maybe even a pedicure. Here, sadly for the Missus, it means they've got a hot tub. Which is interesting since it is also clear that in the U.S. they use the term hot tub. Maybe there is a difference between the two here that I'm not clear on.

A lot of the products are the same on either side of the border, but there are some things you can't get north of the 49th that I always get when I'm down south. I had some Wheaties for breakfast for instance. Why we don't have those is a mystery, because the rest of the cereal aisle is almost identical. Perhaps the American's competitive nature leads them to keeping the "Breakfast of Champions" all to themselves.

In an aside on the topic of funny and unnecessary signs (a previous blog topic), there is a funny one here in our cabin. I guess there is a law that there must be a fire plan in rental accommodations. Our fire plan shows a diagram of the cabin and then the following two steps: Step One - Open door. Step Two - Go out. I'm not kidding, that's what it says.

One of the more interesting events for us when we are traveling is visiting the local Safeways (grocery stores). You see, Safeway has a club card that you use when shopping to get the sale prices. When they swipe your card at the till it brings your name up on the receipt. They will say thank you Mr. So and So as they hand you the receipt. For some reason, back home our card when swiped brings up the last name Pusey. When they hand us the receipt they either mumble a name or just say thank-you as they are concerned, I assume, about the pronunciation. My running joke is if they were to say thank-you Mr. Pussy, I would respond, in a French accent, "That's Poo-Say". The thing is for some reason south of the border our card doesn't come up with the name Pusey, we actually get the thank you Mrs. Showers from the cashier. How weird is that?!

In closing, here's a strange but true traveling fact. In Oregon you are not allowed to pump your own gas. Either that or the guy at the gas station was really protective of his job. He told me this was the law in Oregon and New Jersey. Are these two states right about this or are the other 48? I wonder what their thinking is?

Observations From the Road - Part One

2010-08-04T11:12:00.000-07:00

Hello my loyal blogladites, I'm on the road in a foreign country today. The United States of America. Perhaps your very own country, but slightly different in mystical ways to Canada where I hail from. Let me recount the little differences I've seen, at least in this neck of the woods.

Expresso shacks. I've seen a couple of these back home, but here, in what Americans fondly refer to as the Pacific Northwest, they are ubiquitous. (Ed. note: I've always wanted to use that word so I hope I'm using it correctly). What they are is little shacks that you can drive up to and buy an espresso. I went for a mocha myself and I walked up. Seems you can do that with the shacks, but don't try walking up to a Taco Bell drive-thru (a story for another time).

Restrooms are where you go to use a toilet. We generally call them washrooms. Wonder whose got that right? Are they more for washing or for resting? Seems we're both politely ignoring the real use of these rooms.

What's the deal on grits? I mean I'm not anywhere near the south of the US of A and they're offering me grits for breakfast. These definitely seem to stop at the border. On the other hand vinegar seems to have difficulty going south through the border so you can put it on your fries like we do in Canada.

No exit or dead end is replaced here by "No Outlet". Salt water taffy abounds. If we did have it in Canada I think it would be toffee and not taffy. You can buy beer in the grocery store here and that's good or at the very least convenient.

One thing that's the same on both sides of the border: Right in the heart of the touristy area, near the t-shirt shops, there is always a place to buy fudge!

Hold the Good Ideas and Pass the Machismo

2010-08-01T21:20:00.001-07:00

Recently I got to watch an 18 year old Japanese knuckleballer pitch in a minor league game in the independent Golden Baseball League. This pitcher was a few years younger than any other player on the field that night and not only that, she was a girl. A lot of people came out to watch the spectacle of her pitching. She had a strong first inning getting our local team out in order (3 up, 3 out), but after that she struggled to throw strikes and ended up giving up a bunch of runs on only one hit (a grand slam) and was pulled in the third inning.

There are very few knuckle ball pitchers in the major leagues, but there have been some successful ones over the years. My favourite being Charlie Hough who is 82nd on the all-time win list for pitchers, despite spending the first seven years of his career as a relief pitcher (they don't get credit for many wins).

I once saw him pitch an 11 inning, 2-1 win against Seattle. I was sitting behind the Seattle dugout and was amazed at the frustration expressed by the Seattle batters as they returned to the dugout. It was then that I grew to love the knuckleball. I have since taught it fairly effectively to two of my youth baseball players over the years.

Now comes my point. In the articles about the female knuckleballer, "The Knuckle Princess", and even on the recent segment on one of our Canadian national newscasts, it is always mentioned how difficult it is to throw the knuckleball effectively. While I will grant that it is more difficult to throw than a fastball, I don't think it is so much more difficult than any other pitch (curve, slider, forkball, etc.). I think the knuckleball is the victim of too much machismo!

Sports is an arena that is full of machismo and there are certain things that get written off by the macho culture of sports. The knuckleball is one of them. It's slow and therefore wimpy. Another is the underhand free throw in basketball. Rick Barry was one of the top players of the 1970's in professional basketball and is one of the top scorers in history. His career free throw percentage was 90 and at the time of his retirement was the best in history. He shot his free throws underhanded, which was the style in an earlier era.

The underhand shot was known in my neighbourhood as "granny" style. Machismo killed the underhand free throw and nobody shoots it anymore. Rick Barry was a fierce competitor and he wanted to win more than he wanted to look macho. You're telling me that everyone else shoots overhand because it's a better technique? Nope, it's all about machismo!

Buildings Deserve Better

2010-07-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

Recently I was in a shopping plaza that included some "Tuscany" style condominiums. I was just thinking that it seemed a bit silly to design a place to look like a place in another part of the world when I took a closer look and noticed that the balconies were not balconies at all. They were just railings in front of windows. There wasn't even room to put a potted plant.

This got me thinking how silly it is to have a decorative balcony. I bet the people in Tuscany wouldn't put up with such crap. If you're not going to build the balcony then put something else there, who needs a fake balcony? In fact let me go on the record as being against anything fake for decorative purposes. The other chief offender I can think of is shutters (sorry Mom). Why do houses have fake shutters? It's been a long time since anyone actually used real shutters in this neck of the woods, so why do so many houses have fake shutters? Ridiculous.

I encourage you the reader to add to this short list of two such offences.

Somebody Save Us

2010-07-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

A recent onslaught of news stories regarding animals in my local paper has gotten me a little concerned. It seems the animals are fighting back. Can this be? Here are the stories:

1. A camper sleeping in a lean-to wakes up face to face with a black bear. The bear proceeds to attack him and his screams alert his buddy in a near by tent. They manage to beat off the bear and get themselves to hospital for treatment. The one guy needs a skin graft to replace his missing scalp. Bear attacks on the island where I live just didn't happen until recently. There are two in recorded history. The other happened just last year when a man was cleaning some fish on his boat. A bear swam over to the dock where the boat was and climbed in the boat and proceeded to take on the surprised fisherman. He survived with injuries thanks to an army of nearby and courageous gaff wielding fellow anglers. This is a new phenomenon.

2. Off the coast of South Africa a whale leaps out of the water and lands on a sailing boat. Imagine being at the helm when that happens. A fluke mistake by the whale you say? Maybe not. What whale wouldn't know there was a boat near it?

3. A woman walking her dog in my city is chased by a female deer. She runs behind a pick-up truck for safety but the deer persists and whichever side of the pick-up she tries to go around the deer moves there to cut her off. Then the dog gets loose and the deer lays a butt kicking on it (apparently the domestic animals are not part of the international animal conspiracy).

The animal apologists always respond to these incidents by claiming that it is because we have moved into the animals territory and there is less and less room for them. Have these people ever gone for a drive in Canada? There's a heck of a lot of space out there with no humans in it, so explain to me why my city is inundated with deer. And it's not just here.

We've also got rabbits so thick at the local university that you can't walk in a straight line through the field in the middle of campus without stepping on one (sure they move out of the way at the last second, but they aren't very scared of us humans). And don't get me started on Canadian geese.

The real reason this is all happening is because we've gotten soft. The animals no longer fear us because we never do anything on an individual level to hurt them. Even the guy being attacked by the bear said that when he was able to get ahold of his knife he took it and hit the bear on the nose with the handle. He didn't stab the bear because that would be mean.

Now I'm not the guy to fix this problem because I'm a big softy too, but somebody needs to call in the army and put these animals back in their place, pronto.

They Are AWESOME!

2010-07-17T21:52:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed one of the planet's greatest culinary inventions today. Mini-Donuts! Why aren't these delights more readily available is what I'm wondering. Heck, what other food has both the entertainment of the mini-donut machine as the donuts are being made and then the yummy taste of the fresh hot confectionary delight that is mini-donuts. I cannot stress this enough. Mini-Donuts are awesome.

This got me thinking about other products that are not available in sufficient numbers in keeping with their tastiness. I mean, french fries are everywhere and in most cases they aren't very good french fries. Same with hot dogs, burgers, and pizza. Yet, mini-donuts are only available in very special locations. What else are we missing out on?

Have you ever tried lime cookies? Have you had them often? Exactly! What's up with that? They are delicious yet you can't buy them anywhere. Pssst... I recently found some in Costco. How about good quality tea. We've had tea for centuries. You can buy good coffee in the grocery store, but the tea bags, well they are the equivalent of frozen french fries instead of fresh cut and deep fried potatoes.

Do you know they make Pineapple Crush in Hawaii, but not here. I mean it's artificial flavour isn't it and even if it's not, we get the pineapples here fresh or in cans so why can't we get it as a carbonated beverage? Let me assure you it is quite tasty. And what's the deal on fudge? Why is it mostly available in tacky tourist locations? It's pretty good stuff. Why is there no fudge display in the candy isle at the grocery store? Why doesn't fudge rate, but chocolate bars, jelly beans, and licorice do?

Mr. Bug, Bug, Mr. Annoying Bug, Please Fly Away from Me.

2010-07-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

I went camping this week and enjoyed the great outdoors. The great outdoors sure has a lot of bugs though. The price to pay I suppose, but they sure can be annoying. Particularly the mosquitoes. I tried using "Off" for the first time and it is true that this kept the bugs off of me. I don't think I got more than a couple bites, but it didn't keep them away from me. The damn mosquitoes just hovered around me with their incessant high pitched whining trying to figure out what to do.

The thing I don't understand is why if we humans are so enticing to the mosquitoes, why are the mosquitoes living out in the woods? Why aren't they in the big cities where they can get their fill of human blood? Or are humans out in the woods like bacon near a vegetarian. Not something that's part of their regular diet, but difficult to resist when placed in front of them?

What if We Just Tweeked this a Little?

2010-07-03T22:54:00.001-07:00

I'm a big believer in modifying rules to improve a game. I think I developed this in my youth when I used to make up games, such as backyard baseball, and my brother would find loopholes in the rules and I'd have to make up new rules. From his perspective and anyone else who has played with me, I make up rules as I go along. But really any new rules are in response to perceived flaws in the game. I organized a very successful weekly pick-up flag football game in which we developed the rules over time and ended up with a pretty darn good set. Same with a mini-golf tournament I organize. Yeah, that's right, mini-golf.

In this context there are two things to know about me. Firstly, when I watch a sport or game, I am often thinking of ways it could be made better. Secondly, I don't understand the reasoning that says you can't mess with the rules of the game. So with this in mind you can imagine my frustration as I watch the World Cup. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying these contests. The problem is that if you ask me, there are a lot of things that could be done to make soccer better.

First off let's fix the obvious problem. The timing. What's with the delay tactics at the end of the game. Soccer, unlike most timed sports (basketball, football, hockey, lacrosse) does not use stop time. The clock just keeps running and if a team is ahead they can take their sweet time putting the ball in play. This seems ludicrous. Easy fix on this one. Soccer should use the Canadian Football League's approach. Use run time until the last five minutes (or three or six or whatever) and then go to stop time. While they are at it, they should ditch this whole injury time thing. Why can't the referee just stop the clock when there is an injury or delay of some kind like would happen in any other sport? It's not that difficult.

Fixing the timing would make the game more fair. Now we just need to give the offence a better chance to score. Open it right up. Who needs 1-0 games determined by some fluke play. This is where soccer should adopt hockey's blue line. Get rid of the attack-preventing offside rule and say that players are onside as long as the ball goes over the 25 yard line (or 35 or whatever) before they do. Now that would create some serious scoring opportunities.

Finally, I think something needs to be done about all the fouls. Not sure what to do here, but I think maybe the penalty for a trip or shin hack is not enough. Sure if you do it near your own goal a free kick against you can be costly, but in most cases it is no big deal. The ref gives out those cute yellow and red cards (a system that could be useful in other sports) if it is flagrant, but for the most part players are getting hacked down and there is no real price to pay for doing it. Perhaps players should foul out like in basketball or have to go to a penalty box like hockey. If it was up to me, a player would have to run one full lap of the field after a penalty before they could come back into play. That would be fun.

I can hear the purists cursing and howling at me. But to you I say two words. Forward Pass! Those used to be illegal in football you know.

This is my 19th post, so my goal of 52 for the year is in serious jeopardy. It's looking more like 40. Who knows, maybe there will be a rush of inspiration this summer. Feel free to email me your suggested topics (if you know me well enough to have my email).

Round Pegs Not Welcome

2010-06-14T20:49:00.000-07:00

I went to a high school graduation ceremony last week. It was really long, but it was pretty good too. Harkened back to my own grad ceremony that I'm sure was not near as polished as this one was. We didn't get to wear the graduation gowns and caps and even though our valedictorian has gone on to be a successful actress, their valedictorian speech was a one act play compared to our obituary. No knock against our fine valedictorians who impressed me at the time, but these kids today are slick. The grad class even sang a song together. At my grad there was nothing I had to do but shake the principals hand and sit there and I screwed that up by wearing white socks with my suit that were clearly visible from the audience (how was I supposed to know this was wrong, I think all I had were white socks - regular readers will know of course that most of them were of the tube variety).

Anyhow there was one thing that kind of bugged me and I know these are just high school kids with their forgivable low confidence neurosis to deal with, so I say this knowing I shouldn't be expecting otherwise. The non-participant participant is a pet peeve of mine in any situation, and it stood out on this night. One particular individual who (and I'm sure there were others less visible) was sitting right smack in the middle was a particular standout. She not only decided she wouldn't wear the cap, but she made no effort at all to join in on the song.

Now maybe there was some religious objection to caps and songs that I am not aware of, however if you're going to show up to take part in an event then you should take part. If you don't want to wear the cap and sing the song and do the little choreographed entrance then maybe you should just give it a pass. If you're too hip to be square then take your round peg and hang out in some other hole.

Another thing that's changed at some point is graduation has changed from a one night event into a series of events that start in May and end in mid-June. There's prom (which we used to think was just some crazy American thing), the grad ceremony and dance (which I think is referred to as dry grad) and then Wet Grad (which I think is referred to as getting drunk). We used to have to do all that in one night. We had to change out of our suits mid-evening so we wouldn't spill our drinks on them.

And by "We", I mean the collective pronoun, because as you well know, Little Jackie Showers wasn't much of a drinker back in the day. Which is a good thing because studies show that high school binge drinking can impair the growth of your frontal cortex. And if you don't know what a frontal cortex is then shame on you for drinking so much in your high school years. However if you did so just to be a keen participate in the grad festivities then you are forgiven. Just that once.

I Can't Feel the Music

2010-06-05T21:51:00.001-07:00

I like music. I enjoy listening to a song. I particularly like the use of music in film or in an end of the year or Olympic montage video. Sometimes it even makes me misty. But music doesn't speak to me and I am a poorer man for this.

Perhaps you don't know what I'm talking about or maybe you think, "Jack ole buddy, you're being too hard on yourself." Or if you know me well, maybe you're saying, "You got that right".

While I like music I know that it doesn't speak to me on the same level that it does many other people. People like you, or at least some of you. I know this in the same way that I know that baseball speaks to me in a way that it doesn't speak to most of you.

When I look around me and watch people interact with music, listen to music and talk about music I sense a connection that I just don't have. I've tried to deny this at times, but the evidence is clear. I have an iPod. It's a hand me down. What do I do with it? I listen to podcasts. Spoken word podcasts. I haven't even added or deleted a song since it was given to me. A few times I've listened to the songs that are on there, but I'd say less than 2% of the time I've used it so far has been for listening to music. In my car, I usually listen to talk radio. If I do listen to music it's usually because I like the DJ's witty banter on that station and I'm willing to wait for the songs to end. Woe is me.

But at least there is baseball. I feel baseball. It's just a game to most people and I dare say a boring game at that. Not to me. For me it is so much more than a game just like to a music person a song is so much more than just a song. Me, I used to sing my kids to sleep by singing. What did I sing? "Take Me Out to the Ball Game".

Apparently parades don't speak to many of you either as my follow up parade post didn't inspire any witty commentary. I would like to follow up the follow up with another update. I went to another parade today and like the one I saw earlier this parade season there were huge gaps at times in the parade. Gaps in a parade are not new, but they seemed to be much more common and bigger than I recall seeing in the past. I think this is emblematic of the general degradation of the structure and order in our society. Nobody has any respect for parade marshalls anymore, just like every other authority figure. In fact as near as I can tell, the parade marshall job is either gone by the wayside or changed. Used to be they travelled up and down the parade and put a stop to any poor parading and fixed those gaps. Now they are nowhere to be seen. Shame on us as a society for allowing such a travesty.

The Parade Update Post

2010-05-26T22:09:00.000-07:00

Hello parade fans, I have been to see for myself the state of parental blockage on the marching band front. Yes, I attended the 112th Victoria Day parade in our fair city along with an estimated record crowd of 65,oo0. If that estimate is to be believed then about one in five Victorians came out to watch what is a spectacle that may not be so bad as to be "ridiculous", as one loyal reader has tagged it, but is less than awe-inspiring.

However, the marching bands are fun to watch and do inspire. The youth giving it their all to put on a show is always great to see. I know for a fact that one other loyal reader who poo-poos parades is a big fan of high school musicals. I think the marching bands and musicals have some of the same positive characteristics. Enough about debating the merits of the parade itself though, as the real argument is why the heck are parents out there getting in the way of their children's performance?

I watched a good dozen U.S. bands and three Canadian ones go by on Monday. I am happy to report that the Canadian bands had no noticeable parental escorts. The U.S. bands too were mostly escort free. I did see one band that had at the back of the band a group of about fifteen parents, dressed in the same colours as the band and marching in step with the band while carrying water for when it was needed. While I still argue this is unnecessary, at least this was a cute way of dealing with it and didn't involve blocking the view.

There were two bands that had parents walking alongside and obstructing the crowd's view and enjoyment of their band. One band in fact stopped in front of me, so did one of the parents and there she stood directly in front of me as the band played. I mean she wasn't fat or anything so I could see most of the band, but still it was not very aesthetically pleasing. You've got these bands all gussied up in their marching uniforms to look sharp and here's this mom in a t-shirt and jeans standing between them and the audience with her water bottle at the ready. Now that's ridiculous.

Meanwhile, the 85 year old guy carrying the flag as part of the Canadian Legion marching group grinds it out to the end without any water at all. I guess that guy's mom is a neglectful parent.

The Preemptive Strike Post

2010-05-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

Hello A & A fans! Alert reader Guy has pointed out that I am falling behind on my posts. Have no fear, I've got plenty of annoyances left to regale you with. This time I'm hoping to head one off at the pass. It has to do with parades, and maybe if I get it off my chest now, it can prevent what is sure to rear its ugly head at my town's big parade this weekend. I can only dream that such is the power of A & A.

What's the problem with parades you ask? Well I'm glad you did. The problem is with the parents of high school marching bands. Or I should say the parents of members of high school marching bands. I have noticed a disturbing trend the last few times I attended a parade (which admittedly has been a few years now, so maybe somebody has fixed this problem - this weekend will be the test). This trend is new since my marching band days in the late 70's and early 80's.

The parents of the big American marching bands (which I quite enjoy watching) now walk alongside the band as it makes its way along the parade route. They walk between the band and the spectators. This not only blocks your view as a spectator at times, but completely detracts from the aesthetic quality of the band. And why are these parents there? Apparently to dole out water and mist the band members.

I admit it took some searching to find an example on Youtube, but here it is. Check out from 1:00 to about 1:40.

Now I know in this day and age everyone believes that hydration is important, but this is Canada in May. It is rarely hot, and even if it is, the parade route is not that long. For my American friends you can expect the temperature to be in the 70's if you are lucky and once in awhile it might make it to the 80's. Not exactly scorching and the route is a mere 1.8 miles. If these kids can't make it 1.8 miles without being spritzed and fed water bottles then something is wrong.

Before all you kidney stone victims write in to correct me about the pratfalls of dehydration, I offer the following compromise. If there really is danger to these kids and they need this kind of support, then how about the parents walk along behind the crowd and emerge at strategic points to disperse their life saving H2O.

I have one marching band anecdote from my days in high school. We were in the local parade and our drummer (who sets the pace) had to get to a tennis tournament. We were the first entry in the parade and he just had us bombing along. About halfway through the parade the marshall made us stop. We looked back and the military marching group after us were right behind us, but after that there as a gap that you couldn't see the end of as the rest of the parade was more than two blocks back and around a corner. We waited five minutes for the parade to catch up.

Put on some Pants

2010-04-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

Well it seems my readers are not going to get inspired by the problems around the luggage carousel, so I'll move onto something perhaps more interesting. Girls softball and the shorts they wear. What's up with that?

I went to a game the other day and have seen several in the past. I've always thought the shorts were kind of silly for the girls to be wearing (or women for that matter) because they also have sliders that they pull up on their legs to cover the bare parts when they are sliding. Many of the players are effectively wearing shorts about the same way the hockey players are with the long socks and then sliders going right up the the short line. Why not just wear pants?

Now you might argue that shorts are more comfortable, but this is not the case for most of the season in these parts which is played in cool to near freezing temperatures. In the game I watched the other day it was raining and very chilly. The girls had about four heavy layers on top and shorts down below. Pure silliness. Nobody should be a slave to fashion. You need to keep toasty on the ball field.

Check out these girls. One team wears pants!

The Luggage Trough

2010-04-25T21:55:00.000-07:00

Picked my mother up from the airport the other day. Got to watch people in action around the luggage carousel. Interesting study in the human condition. The luggage came out on the left side of the U-shaped conveyor belt and then went back on the right. Before the arrival of the first bag the people gathered near but several feet back from the carousel.

However, once the luggage was traveling on the belt the crowd on the left side where I was moved closer and closer, so close they were actually hanging over the luggage to see up the belt to see if their bag was coming. I couldn't even see through the people let alone get in there to get Mom's suitcase. They were like pigs at the trough.

I decided I wasn't going to get in there and start elbowing people out of the way and Mom isn't known for her work in the corners either, so I figured I'd walk around to the other side of the U and see if there was any space to get near the belt on that side. Well when I got around to the right side the people over there were calmly standing about ten feet back from the belt waiting for their luggage to appear. It was an amazing contrast. Guess it's another example of the Type A and Type B people. In this case the B's had it right. Everyone could get see their luggage and easily get it once seen. The A's were like pigs at the trough fighting for the luggage and all just to gain about a 30 second advantage on the B's.

All this luggage talk harkens me back to my university days when I travelled for one season with the basketball team (not as a player, let me be clear on that). The team added a little spice to the drudgery of the luggage pick-up by each throwing in a quarter and the person whose luggage came out first got the pot. That's all I've got as far as luggage stories go.

Where Have You Gone Chuck Connors?

2010-04-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

I saw a notice the other day for spring soccer. Don't ask me why but that really gets me riled up. All sports these days are poaching on each other's seasons. Whatever happened to staying put in your part of the calendar?

When I was a kid I played soccer in the winter and baseball in the summer. Other kids played hockey and lacrosse. Judging by the photo albums there was even more opportunity to be a multi-sport participant in my Dad's days. In his teenage years there are pictures of him on soccer, hockey, football, and lacrosse teams and I know he played rugby as well. Nowadays by the age of 12, sports are trying to get the kids to specialize. Spring soccer? Yuck. Hockey teams that play tournaments all summer? Stupid. I say let the kids play! Let them experience the variety and spice of sport.

If you think I'm overreacting then you probably haven't been near kid's sports in awhile. Keener parents are out there starting up "travel" teams in lots of different sports. These are like all-star teams that essentially barnstorm and look for tournaments to play in. No more just a bunch of kids from the neighbourhood playing kids from another neighbourhood.

I was reading recently in the 2007 edition of "The Best in American Sports Writing" that it has reached craziness south of the border. I'm not sure if the Canadian hockey community is taking it to this level, but here's what's happening in basketball and baseball circles in the U.S.

In basketball there are summer leagues and the teams are in some cases sponsored by the sneaker companies and the companies cover the expenses for the players and provide them with gear. Players as young as 12 are recruited to be on these teams in hopes that if they become the next Michael Jordan they will continue to wear the brand of shoes that sponsored them in their youth. There is a magazine in the United States that rates the top grade five basketball players in the country. Yeah that's right, grade five or as they like to say fifth grade.

In baseball there are travel teams that start at the age of eight. One team located in Florida won the national championship as 9, 10, and 11 year olds. The next year as 12 year olds they had a kid on the team who lived in Indiana and flew to wherever the team was playing their tournaments. There was another 12 year old kid who lived in Las Vegas, but spent the season playing for a variety of teams that recruited him to play with them in tournaments. He hoped on an airplane and played for teams from California, Colorado, Texas, Arizona and Nevada in one season. The Indiana kid not only plays on the Florida team, but one in Indiana and averaged 120 games a year from the age of 8 to 12.

Ahhhh, to be a kid. Chuck Connors must be turning over in his grave.

The Best Place on Earth?

2010-03-27T22:03:00.000-07:00

Came over the border the other day back into British Columbia after a trip to see the Raptors take on the Trailblazers (that's NBA basketball for you hockey pucks). After clearing the customs gates we passed a sign that said, "Welcome to the Best Place on Earth".

I've lived in British Columbia all my life and I believe it is a wonderful place to live. But the best place on earth? Really? According to who? Us? And by us I mean British Columbians who had something to do with the idea to put up that sign (and the campaign that goes with it) and by association the rest of us British Columbians who didn't have that idea. It seems more than a tad absurd, naive, or at worst conceited. Although stupid comes to mind as well.

I have not traveled all that much in my life, but I've seen some nice places. Oregon seems great, Cape Cod was pretty cool, and Yellowstone Park seems like a pretty special place. Where do we get off saying we live in the Best Place on Earth? Even if it is true, it's pretty rude to go telling everyone. Am I right? I say bring back "Beautiful British Columbia" or "Supernatural British Columbia", or come up with something new like "A Great Place on Earth", but it is time to put this current slogan on the shelf.

If You Don't Like the Weather, Then Step Inside

2010-03-11T19:44:00.000-08:00

Little Jackie Showers is reporting live from Whistler for this post. What a wonderful place Whistler is. This week I've eaten waffles at 6,000 feet up in a small log cabin and goulash at 7,500 feet in another log cabin. I'm sure I should feel guilty about such consumerism, but that is for more principled people than me. Oh and the skiing is pretty amazing too!

One silly bit of decadence that I've decided I can't go along with is the restaurant patio heaters. I must admit they are kinda nice, but really people, I think either you want to be outside enjoying the weather or if you don't like the weather you should step inside and enjoy the climate controlled great indoors. Am I wrong?

I await the will of the people on this one, and I'm hoping to see a few more voices than "The Big Three" chime in on this one.

Own the Immodium

2010-03-04T22:01:00.000-08:00

Well the Olympics are over and despite all those people who said Vancouver would be hell during the Olympics, things seemed to work out pretty well. In fact, it seems all the premature judging of everything Olympic has so far proven to be wrong. The last hope for the doomsayers to be right is that the Olympics lose a lot of money and the taxpayers get stuck with the bill. And my money says they'll be wrong about that one too.

Meanwhile once the media stopped covering all the pre-Olympic concerns, they got onto the job of telling us how the "Own the Podium" program was falling short of expectations. In the end Canadians did pretty damn good. Maybe we didn't own the podium, but we did get to hear Oh Canada played at medal ceremonies an amazing 14 times. The media response during the games was akin to the half-time show of a football game declaring one team the winner. Whatever happened to waiting for the final result before proclaiming something a success or a failure.The media needed to take a collective dose of immodium to stop the analytical diarrhea. Okay, I'll admit the mascots did suck.

All of this pre-judging negative analysis is not surprising, but it is annoying. The same thing happened in the lead-up to the games in Athens and Beijing. The weekend that the Vancouver games were ending there was an article in the paper saying how bad an idea it is to hold the Olympics in Sochi, Russia. Does the media think its job is to be negative or are they just incredibly inaccurate prognosticators?

There is plenty to be concerned about when it comes to the I.O.C., but it seems a lot easier to write a story predicting certain failure of the local organizing committees than it is to dig into the questionable antics of the I.O.C. Just like it's easier for the media to cover polls and the popularity of leaders in an election than it is to dig into the issues and differences between the contenders.

Yes, that's right. I am annoyed at the media. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Live From the Olympics - It's Little Jackie Showers

2010-02-26T13:53:00.000-08:00

Hello kids, I'm coming to you live from the Olympics today where I am the proud new owner of a red Roots Canada coat. Yes, Little Jackie is on the bandwagon and hoping to see Canada win the semi-final hockey game tonight. Not so on the bandwagon that I'd line-up to buy the official clothes at the Bay, clothes that were considered ugly when they first came out.

I had a quintessential Canadian moment on the trip over on our beloved B.C. Ferries. We were on the ferry during the quarterfinal hockey game between Canada and Russia. It marks the first time I agreed with B.C. Ferries decision to include TV sets on their boats. We were on a small boat and the TV set was in a relatively small passenger lounge that was packed to standing room only. We stood in the back corner and although we could hardly see the action, we did get to enjoy the atmosphere that is unique to watching a sporting event with a crowd all pulling for the same team.

Every Canadian goal was cause for much celebrating and the crowd even clapped at the end of each period. This was a lot of fun and had me harkening back to watching the 87 Canada Cup final game in the pub at university. I can still feel the energy in the room on the famous Gretzky to Lemieux goal. Should be fun again tonight, unless of course the dredded Slovaks find a way to spoil the party.

So overall I'm having a hoot and think it's a great event, but I do have one annoyance to report from the Olympics. You knew I'd find something. It's the automatic gratuity. Seems that's par for the course over here for the games. No word yet on whether it is a temporary measure. Generally speaking I believe in tipping well (at least 20%) unless there is some reason to be unhappy with the service (and I can't remember that happening much). My problem with an automatic gratuity is a tip is supposed to be voluntary and my choice to acknowledge good service. I'm not sure I'm a big fan of the concept of the tip and would probably be fine if we got rid of it altogether and just raised the prices and wages of the servers instead, but don't charge me an automatic gratuity.

Okay, I've got to go. Need to venture out into the Vancouver rain and soak up more Olympic atmosphere. Oh and speaking of tips, they're giving out free ear buds at the Bell Ice Cube!

May the Best Sled Win?

2010-02-19T23:11:00.000-08:00

Recently at the Olympics there were some complaints about the German luge team. It had nothing to do with spandex or their positioning in the doubles event. It had to do with their sled.

Apparently those wily Germans had used magnets to somehow create a smoother ride for their sled than their competitors. I don't know how this works, but you know that German engineering. This brings up a beef I've had for years with sports.

I don't like it when the equipment plays a determining role in who wins. I've long thought that all competitions that involve equipment should require the use of a stock model. Tiger Woods and the rest of the gang should show up and be given a bag of clubs and balls. Slo-pitch teams should share a set of bats for each game. Those lugers should all use the same sled. Micheal Phelps should be handed a speedo off the rack.

Having said that, I've always had a soft spot for someone who has the creativity to find a loophole (in sports but not taxes). A case in point is Dodger infielder Maury Wills who used to drop pop-ups on purpose and turn them into double plays. This caused baseball to invent the "Infield Fly" rule, which is understood by less than half the players in any given game. And how about those Edmonton Oilers during the Gretzky years, who used to gladly take off-setting penalties and play four on four so their speed would have more of an advantage in all the open space.

My favourite personal experience with loopholes comes from almost 40 years ago. Of course it goes against what I said about equipment above, but it still is a good story. Back when I was a kid in the 70's, we used to stay at one of the many resorts in Parksville, B.C. each summer and were joined there by many of the same families each year. One year the men heard about an innertube race to be run on a local river and they decided to enter some teams. I guess the rules were written rather loosely and my father and his partner were able to win using two tubes lashed together so they could paddle canoe style (front and back rather than side by side on one tube).

The next year the rules were tightened up to limit competitors to one tube. The men at our resort were not to be deterred and wanted to give their team a chance to defend their title. One of the gang was a fiberglass expert and so they fiberglassed the bottom of an innertube. Dad and his partner skimmed along the surface while the competition had to paddle half submerged. I remember distinctly how they covered the first 50 metres of the course while the rest of the field had moved about ten. The race was over before it started. Good thing the German lugers aren't that smart.

My Friends the Vigilantes

2010-02-09T21:10:00.000-08:00

In my last post I jokingly referred to the pick-up truck drivers who take up two small car spots as vigilantes. It got me thinking back to my youth when we were all a little more idealistic. Some of my friends were "activist" idealists. They backed up their ideals with actions. They were true vigilantes. Now, Little Jackie Showers was no vigilante, so some of their methods were a little disturbing to me. So disturbing that I remember them to this day.

One friend was an ardent anti-smoker. This was back in the day when smoking was allowed in parts of a restaurant. These parts were known as smoking sections. Unfortunately the smoke didn't always stay in the section with the smokers. My anti-smoker friend took to turning over the ashtrays in the university cafeteria. Not sure what this did to the smokers, but I'm sure it didn't amuse the cleaning staff.

Another anti-smoking action by friends of mine involved the time a large team was travelling by plane. There were about 30 of us on the team and the "leaders" of the team saw to it that we had our seats in the smoking section of the plane. This effectively took up all of the smoking section and meant there was nowhere for the smokers to smoke.

Another friend of mine, I call him Vigilante Derek, was a man of action. Once while stopped at a light with him as my passenger, we saw a car in the next lane and just ahead of us jettison a paper drink cup with the lid still on and maybe even some pop still inside. Derek jumps out of the car, runs up to the cup, picks it up and chucks it back in the car window.

Now you might be cheering for Derek on that one as who likes a litterer. However, just so you get a balanced view on vigilantism I share one more story with you. One time while eating in a McDonalds, Derek happened upon a chubby pre-teen kid eating a Big Mac. Derek spoke up and asked the kid, "Are you sure you need that." Nice. The kid complained to his mom, but apparently didn't give a good description of Derek, because when the mom came over to our table it was me she gave heck to. I took the hit because that's what friends do. At least young idealistic friends. Nowadays, I'd rat him out.

Where are All the Small Cars?

2010-02-01T21:41:00.000-08:00

There is an epidemic in the parking lots of my hometown. For some reason more and more of the spaces are marked with "small car". And yes the spaces are smaller. Much smaller in fact. What's happening here? Is this phenomenon global or just a local thing?

Increased small spaces would make sense if there were more small cars around. Apparently the owners of the parking lots, mostly shopping malls and other businesses, have not noticed all the large vehicles on the roads these days. I'm all for encouraging smaller cars, but I don't even think this is some kind of social engineering project by the parking lot industry. It just makes no sense.

It would seem that large pick-up truck owners agree with me that this makes no sense because they have taken up the vigilante position of completely ignoring the "small car" signs painted on the ground. In fact they aren't just ignoring "small car", but the lines themselves. They can frequently be seen taking up one and a half of these "small car" spots. Sometimes the SUV and Mini-Van crowds join in on this protest, but the Pick-Ups seem to be more effectively organized in their outrage. No word yet on what stance the Luxury Sedans are taking.

Put that Stop Somewhere Else

2010-01-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

A couple of posts back I was complaining about B.C. Transit. Well I'm back at it. B.C. Transit are you out there? Please think on this:

For some reason there seems to be a desire to strategically locate bus stops just past an intersection on four lane connector streets. This means that during busy times the bus stops just on the other side of the light and blocks one of the two lanes of traffic going that way. This means that some cars either have to wait on the other side of the intersection and miss the light or in the case of the more inattentive or oblivious drivers they end up stuck in the intersection behind the bus. Now they're stuck there blocking traffic when the light changes.

Now I understand that they are trying to locate the stop near major intersections where people are transferring from one bus to another. I also believe in having a good public transit system. I just don't see why the bus stop can't be another 40 metres from the corner, allowing the cars to at least get through the light before they have to wait behind the bus. Answer me that B.C. transit.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Circus

2010-01-15T22:25:00.000-08:00

Little Jackie Showers recently joined a lawn bowling club. Yes it is true and you youngsters out there can stop chuckling. I didn't sign up because of an urge to lawn bowl, although I suspect I may try out the game next summer. I became a member because of croquet, which of course is no laughing matter.

The thing about a lawn bowling club is they are very protective of their grass. The rules require you to wear flat-soled shoes whether you are lawn bowling or playing croquet. And they mean flat. No heel and no tread. Being a rule follower since my earliest days I decided that I best go get me some flat shoes. I hoped for some Stan Smiths, but these proved to be elusive. I mean, I'm sure they were out there somewhere, but it was Christmas Eve and I needed these for a tournament on Boxing Day. I only had time for visiting one mall.

The sporty stores and the old people's walking shoe stores didn't have anything that fit the bill. Having no success I began to realize my options were dwindling. Desperate times...

Call for venturing into "Aldo". Now for those of you not familiar with "Aldo" it is a shoe store for cool people. I do not belong there. Sure, sometimes I'll tag along while the missus looks at shoes and one time I even went in there alone to buy her a pair of shoes she had pointed out on a previous trip. But go into "Aldo" alone for myself was like going into La Senza to browse. It wasn't right.

Of course I quickly sensed that my discomfort was matched by the young, attractive and clearly hip sales girl that approached me. You see, guys like me and the "Aldo" girls don't cross paths. Our worlds are far apart. This fact was as obvious to her as it was to me. I was wearing sweat pants after all.

As it turns out there were several flat-soled products to choose from so she dutifully went and got my size each time I asked to try a different one. She would bring me the box and then drift off about twenty feet to cooly watch me out of the corner of her eye as I tried on the different pairs. I must give her credit for maintaining a visage not unlike those guards outside of Buckingham palace. Not a grin or eye roll escaped. But inside that head I know there was a pretty good situation comedy going on.

This is the shoe.

I ended up shelling out way too much for the shoes and then, dammit, most of the other croquet players showed up in their sneakers.

Where You Going Bus Driver?

2010-01-08T23:38:00.000-08:00

Here's an annoyance with a solution. Anybody want to tell the people who matter?

Okay, so here's the deal. I don't know if this is specific to my hometown or not, but it seems unlikely. Here when a bus is on a street with two lanes going in its direction and is stopped at a bus stop blocking the right lane, the bus driver turns on the left signal when pulling out from the bus stop. The problem is that if you're coming up in the left lane you can't tell if the bus is just signaling it is pulling away from the curb to go down the right lane or if it is signaling that it is actually going to move into the left lane.

A bus signaling to move into the left lane makes sense, but signaling that it is pulling out from the curb seems unnecessary given that the bus is blocking the right lane and all it is doing is starting up and going down that same lane. The act of signaling this maneuver doesn't help anyone. It just causes confusion.

So here's my solution. When a bus pulls into the stop the driver should use the flashers. Everyone behind the bus will know the bus is stopping. When the driver wants to start again the flashers are turned off. Then we all know it is going to start moving. If the left signal then comes on we know it is going to move over one lane. No more guesswork, no more confusion, no more jamming on the breaks for no reason. Annoyance solved! Now if I can just get someone who matters to listen.

I'm Glad We Can Get Back to the Weather

2010-01-02T00:32:00.000-08:00

Attention cashiers, yeah I'm talking to you again. Do we have to do the "have you finished all of your Christmas shopping" dance for the three weeks leading up to Christmas? This is only slightly less annoying than asking me what I'm doing for the weekend. Okay it is quite a bit less annoying than that, but still...

To be fair it is not just the cashiers, it might even be YOU! Do we have to treat Christmas shopping as if it is some horrendous task and all share our war stories. Oh the horror. I think you all know what I mean, even those of you who so innocently partake in this tradition of the festive season.

I like Christmas shopping. I don't see it as some chore that I'm dreading and can't wait to finish, but I usually don't start until real late. This makes the question "are you finished your Christmas shopping?", or its close cousin, "are you ready for Christmas?" rather amusing, especially when people start asking it two weeks before I even start to shop or get ready. I prefer the two day all out blitz just before Christmas. I go armed with my list and a wad of cash and get it done. And no, I don't want to be giving out no updates as I go.

My New Year's resolution is to do 52 blog posts this year. So keep me honest. Yikes, I just noticed that's how many I did last year. Here's to not backsliding.

Fruitcake Anyone?

2009-12-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's time for me to step up to the plate and defend an easy target that keeps getting bashed unjustly at this time of year. Yes, I'm talking about Christmas Fruitcake. Fruitcake is the butt of more jokes at this time of year than tofu. I don't know whose Christmas Cake all these complaining people are eating, but the Missus makes a damn fine fruitcake and I'm pretty sure she hasn't got some secret that nobody else is in on. I say, lay off the fruitcake.

Crispy or Original Recipe?

2009-12-13T20:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, time for a real controversy. Enough of this lightweight stuff. An alert reader, Lisa, has identified an alarming new product. Alarming because it is sure to lead to much marital strife. She is concerned that her husband actually approves of the latest in brownie pans. See it here:

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/kitchen/a1aa/?source=google_home_office&cpg=ogho1

Lisa says:

"I was horrified. What a wretched contraption. Everyone knows that the lovely, soft, gooey inside pieces are where it's at. Who wants a hard crispy overcooked outside edge? That's the bottom of the barrel (or the sides, as the case may be). If there was an invention that rendered all bread slices as crusts, who would want such a thing? Maybe 1% of the population? The crazy 1%, that is."

I leave this one open for discussion.

Speaking of crispy overcooked edges, one of my favourite such stories is of a teacher I worked with who decided to be really keen and bake some bread with his elementary class. Well, teaching in elementary can really demand your full attention and sometimes you can forget about things such as the bread you put in the oven awhile back. He remembered it all right when the fire alarm went off and the school was evacuated. Now that was some hard crispy bread.

How Do You Know?

2009-12-06T21:35:00.000-08:00

What do Swine Flu shots, global warming, and 9-11 have in common? You can find plenty of people who fall passionately on either side of the great divide that each issue has. And that's annoying. How does Joe Regular Guy know the truth when everyone on both sides claims to be telling the truth and says everyone on the other side is lying.

I've been thinking about this lots lately, but it is my blog topic tonight because of a recent debate that hijacked my Facebook status update. Two friends, regular readers of the blog I might add, got into it over the flu shots. Both were able to send me links to strengthen their positions. The same happens if you talk about global warming. People I know and respect fall on both sides of the issue and can send me plenty of links. I'm drowning in links, but it doesn't bring me any closer to knowing what the truth is.

Perhaps there is a way to know which links to believe and which ones are bogus, but it is not something that Joe Regular Guy can figure out, so these debates must be getting mired in misinformation. We've got more access to information than ever before, but we can't know what's good information and what isn't. So until someone comes up with a better way here is how I decide what's what. Not based on the truth, since who knows what that is, but on the probabilities of the truth. And I'm open to changing my mind on any of these if someone can present a convincing argument (and by that I most definitely don't mean a link to someone's expert opinion on what the truth is) that I've got the probabilities wrong. It is quite likely I could end up being wrong on all three of these issues, and that's what's so damn annoying.

Let's start with the Swine Flu shots. Why would the people who are saying to get a shot be saying so if it wasn't safe? There are two reasons I can think of. To make money for the company that makes the shots or because if lots of people get the shots the benefits to all are greater than the risks to the individual. It seems incredibly unlikely that all the shot advocates are in the drug company's pocket so I'll rule that out. If it's the latter then I don't feel too bad getting a shot because I'm a team player and I'll take one for the team. More likely it seems to me that the shot advocates are telling us to get a shot because it is good for us both as individuals and a society to be inoculated against the flu. It makes the most sense. And the kicker is that the Calgary Flames were first in line to get the shots. Why would an NHL team risk their high priced talent on something that is as risky as the anti-shot people would have you believe. It doesn't make sense. I'm trusting the Flames on this one, so I got my shot.
Yeah! We got our shots and now we're all going to die!

Next up, global warming. Global warming advocates have made a pretty convincing argument, but they could be wrong. What I find strange is that the people saying they are wrong seem to be in fields other than climatology. So the experts on climate are pretty much in agreement, but it is others that say they are wrong. That tips the scales in favour of global warming being a real problem, but it does not mean the naysayers are wrong. I am sure at some point in history all the experts in a certain field believed one thing and were proven wrong by others who weren't in the field, but it would seem to be less likely than the experts being correct.

Another point is that although naysayers could be right, if the naysayers are wrong and we continue to do nothing about the amount of CO2 we're pumping into the atmosphere then we're really going to have a big problem. The costs of doing something don't seem to be that great when compared to risk of doing nothing. Not only that, but what is the motivation for these climate experts to be telling us this if it isn't the truth? I can't see one. On the other hand there is plenty of motivation for the climate change skeptics. Who wants to risk their high standard of living by maybe having to pay more carbon tax? So this one breaks down for me as: experts with no apparent hidden agenda vs non-experts with plenty of possibilities of a hidden agenda. Put me down as in favour of starting to do something to reduce emissions.

Lastly lets look at the 9-11 thing. Was it an inside job? Again if you watch a YouTube video you can see some pretty convincing stuff. The question is, do I believe it is likely that a consipracy of that magnitude is possible. The answer is no, it does not seem likely that it could be pulled off without someone finding out. So for now I'm not buying it. Now if the Calgary Flames tell me that the U.S. government attacked it's own people then I'll have to rethink things.

Whew, I'm exhausted. Next post I'm going back to talking about tube socks or stir sticks.

Not Confused About Somethings, But I Am About One Thing

2009-11-26T23:03:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been far too long since Little Jackie Showers regaled you all with anything. So here goes. Stay with me on this one, because it's a little odd.

Lately I've heard or read some stories about transgendered people. I'm no expert, but what I've come to understand that to mean is a person who feels they are one gender, but physically they are another. For example, a man who as always felt that he is a women (in the psychological sense I suppose). Not something I could relate to. Or so I thought.

It occurred to me today when I heard a comedian referring to the usual high school stereotypes such as the nerd, the academics, the class clowns and the jocks that maybe on some level I could relate. You see when I was in high school I didn't really fit neatly into any category, but if I was anything I was an academic. I was good at school. The thing is what I wanted to be good at and what I felt I was inside was an athlete. The only problem is my body was letting me down. I was transcategoried.

I've moved on because fortunately once you get out of high school there are leagues for those who aren't good enough to make teams in high school. In fact there are pretty low talent leagues out there where an academic can feel downright jockish. I once crushed a grand slam home run in a Baptist Church softball game. And there was another time when I hit a game winning home run in the staff vs student softball game when I was a student teacher at a middle school. I'm still a clumsy bookish fellow next to the real athletes, but put me in the right talent pool and I'm an Olympian.

I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere. And before anybody writes in to complain, I'm not saying all Baptists are poor softball players, just that this particular game wasn't exactly being played at a high level. Now, the Lutherans on the other hand, have no game whatsoever.

Where have you gone Joe Dimaggio?

2009-11-06T21:35:00.001-08:00

I turned 46 recently. Yes, that's annoying but I'll get over it. I did get to thinking though that there are little things in life that I miss from my past. And I'm not someone who believes that the past was the good old days. Have you seen how clear instant replay is today? Wow!

I miss our weekly pick-up flag football games. I don't miss the three days it took to recover, which is essentially why I stopped playing, but I sure do miss the strategy and camaraderie of the contests. As you know by now if you're a regular reader, I miss tube socks. However I am confident the tube sock will be back unlike my football career.

I miss Johnny Carson. I miss Howard Cosell. I miss Howie Meeker. I miss Wheaties. I miss Match Game and Battle of the Network Stars.

I miss when my feet didn't hurt in the morning. I miss being able to eat Haagen-Daaz without needing to follow it up with an hour in the bathroom. I miss being able to run without having to be careful not to pull a muscle.

I miss when children's sports each had their own season and kids could play several sports a year. I miss cream filled long johns although I'm sure there is a bakery somewhere that has them. I miss the sound of World War Three on Halloween. I miss the Pop Shoppe.

I miss when safety didn't come first. I miss expecting to wait for a ferry. I miss when it wasn't the government's fault. I miss when you only had to brush and not floss. And I miss when the Olympics were a good thing and being a homer was not.

Who Let the Dogs In?

2009-10-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

I'll begin by admitting right off the bat that I am not what you would call a "dog person". That is to say, I don't have a dog, I am not interested in getting a dog and I really don't understand what's so great about having a dog. Dogs are okay and all, but I don't really want to hang out with them.

The thing that's bothering me today is I've noticed dogs more and more in places that you never used to see dogs. Inside places. Places like the hotel I was in the last two nights or on the passenger deck of the ferry. People take them into stores when they are shopping and even into coffee shops or bakeries. These are places I'm sure that you would not have seen a dog ten years ago. Maybe even five years ago. How did this happen?

Forget whether dogs being in these places is okay or not, that's not really the point. The point is who let the dogs in? Who decided it was okay for people to bring their dogs into places where they didn't use to go? Was there a discussion of this that I missed out on? Was it just social convention before, because I was under the impression that there were rules about where you could take a dog.

I'm a little worried that the horses might be out of the barn on this or is it the cat is out of the bag? Anyhow, maybe we better have a discussion about this before the snake people get any ideas.

Don`t Let a Little Snow Get in the Way

2009-10-10T19:58:00.001-07:00

I was planning to watch the baseball play-off game tonight, but it has been postponed because of snow in Colorado. That`s right, a snow-out. I imagine it would be pretty hard to play baseball in the snow and admit I have not tried it, but I have played sports in some less than ideal weather. Football is particularly good for this as the sport practically embraces bad conditions.

We used to play our weekly pick-up flag football games in all kinds of weather. The most memorable such game was probably the time we played about three days after a six inch snowfall. The night before the game it rained and when we got to the field there was a layer of snow with pools of water sitting on top. We still laced them up. It was fun, but pretty stupid. Not too smart to run around in ice water for 90 minutes.

One time I played basketball outside during a rainstorm. It makes a big difference to the game of basketball when nobody can count on traction and the ball is slippery. You wouldn`t catch Dwight Stone trying that (that`s a 1976 Olympics reference for you kids out there). Anyhow the basketball game was probably similar to the style of play you would see at an over 70`s Masters basketball tournament. Slow and methodical. As I remember it my team beat a much more talented team that day. We were better mudders. When you are slow like me you don`t mind when the conditions slow everyone else down.

My favourite bad weather sports story comes from my days in youth soccer. Our team travelled to Vancouver for a game (several hours by ferry and car) and when we got to the field it was pouring rain and much of the field was underwater. Many areas between the sandbars were ankle deep. Since we had travelled so far and this was before the days of winter field closures, we went ahead with the game. Needless to say, I had a pretty good game that day, but the real story is about a fellow named Mike.

Mike was a decent player, but he was always complaining to me that he was jinxed and could not score a goal. He said this often, and while it was true he wasn`t scoring at all that season, I didn`t buy into his jinx theory. In this rain-soaked game he got the ball just outside the 18 yard box and the goalie started to come out to challenge him. He chipped a beautiful shot over the oncoming goalie and right towards the middle of the net for a sure goal. It sailed through the air and came down right on the goal line, splat! It landed in a puddle and just spun there on the goal line as the goalie scrambled back and jumped on it. The jinx was intact.

Slow Down Big Boys

2009-10-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

The large SUV is a common sight on our roads. I'm not talking about your regular size SUV that is even more common. I'm talking about the huge ones. Now I have no issue with you or anyone else deciding that the humongous SUV is the vehicle that is right for you. It does make me a little curious, but certainly not annoyed.

Here is what does annoy me. People driving humongous SUV's very fast and aggressively. The things are like damn tanks and it seems so unfair to be driving one with such confidence. A confidence I suspect is borne from the fact they are driving something that is tanklike in nature. So what we've got here is people driving fast because they know that if they hit anything they'll be perfectly fine. What about who they hit? Scary stuff.

Bring Back the Tube Sock!

2009-09-16T19:44:00.001-07:00

It is unfortunate that we are all slaves to fashion. Now, I'm sure there some of you out there who A) believe you are above such things and wear what you want and/or B) have seen the way I dress and wonder who I am kidding to think I know or have anything to do whatsoever with fashion. I am here to convince you otherwise.

When I mean slaves to fashion I am speaking in the broadest possible sense. I'm not speaking of the latest styles or trends, no I'm just referring to the basics of what's allowed and what is the object of scorn and derision. Take the whole male shorts thing. Men's shorts used to be well above the knee, but if there so much as an inch of bare leg above the kneecap now then my oh my are the critics going to pile on. Now at first I thought this wasn't so much fashion as people coming to the realization that a man's leg is not something we want to look at, but this is not that case. It is merely fashion! And I bet even those of you who think you aren't slaves to fashion are wearing your shorts at the "appropriate" length.

Here is how I know this shorts thing is all about fashion. At the same time that people are clamoring for the male thigh to be covered up, people will also hoot in derision if you wear long socks. Where's the consistency in that? To be consistent, we should all be in favour of the the tube sock and not these sissy little ankle socks that all the gents are wearing these days. So it's not about what looks good it's just about what is in fashion. We're showing the same amount of leg today as we used to back in the tube sock and short shorts era. It's just a different section of the leg. And I'm not buying that the male calf is sooooooo much more attractive than the lower have of the male thigh.

Check out these shorts and tube socks:

There have been plenty of good clothing items that have gone the way of the Dodo bird because of fashion. Take rugby pants for instance. They were comfortable, looked fine, and could be used for both casual and active wear. Why did we get rid of them? Fashion. I'm sure everyone out there has a favourite clothing item that has fallen victim to this scourge known as fashion.

Send in your comments about what you have been quietly rueing fashion for.

Meahwhile the fedora is making a comeback. What's up with that?

You Get What You Pay For

2009-09-06T23:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's something that I think everyone (maybe even thrifty Dan) can get on board with. What's the deal on one-ply toilet paper? It not only sucks, but it's stupid. That's the short version of my rant for you kids out there who don't want an in depth analysis. Next I'll break it down for the rest of you, as in give you the details, not break apart as one-ply likes to do.

First: why it sucks. You all know why it sucks. It doesn't work. Enough said, we don't need to get into the messy details.

Second: why it is stupid. It is stupid because the intent of one-ply is to save money. I know some of you might think there is some evil conspiracy, but really it is just about the money. What makes this cost saver stupid is that nobody is crazy enough to just use a few squares of one-ply (in other words use the same number of squares of one-ply as we would use of two-ply). No, we have to pull out a much longer amount and fold it over multiple times. So we end up using twice as many squares and the amount of toilet paper used is the same.

No cost saving there and to top it all off it takes more time to execute the one-ply multiple-folding maneuver than the homestyle two-ply method. And time is money baby! So if you're making your employees use one-ply on their bathroom breaks to save money then the laugh is on you Ebeneezer.

Speaking of saving money, you've got to wonder about the cheap knock-offs of Kraft Dinner. Essentially Kraft Dinner is the poster child for cheap meals. It's like a buck a box. How big is the profit margin on this stuff that some other company figures they'll skimp a little on quality and undercut Kraft and make a killing? I know that's not an anecdote, but it'll have to do for this time.

Why Just the Stan Smiths?

2009-08-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, sorry for the long time between posts. I was shocked to see it was getting close to two weeks since the last one. The dog days of summer I guess. Hard to be annoyed when the sun is shining and there's plenty to do. Unless you want to buy a pair of running shoes. Then there can be a problem.

A lot of the running shoes out there today are definitely not middle-age guy running shoes. In my case I like to wear cross trainers, since I am such a multi-sport athlete. In fact in one recent 24 hour period I used my cross trainers to play ping-pong, golf, and tennis. Beat that! But I digress. The point of this blog is to do with the buying of shoes and not my athletic prowess. There are hundreds of different cross-trainer models out there, but as I said, only some of them will do for the middle-aged guy. As in not too flashy, hip or space-age looking.

Over the years when I have found a model that I like and my current pair starts to wear out I'll go back and buy the same shoes again. I have found two annoying things about this process. First of all is that the shoe companies, apparently in an effort to keep the retail prices up by limiting competition, have pulled the following little sneaky trick. They only give certain models to certain retailers. So I can't shop the sales for my model, I just have to buy it at the regular price from the one store that carries it or wait for that retailer to put it on sale. Secondly, and most importantly, shoe companies in an apparent effort to stay current or something, discontinue models of shoes all the time. Unless your favourite is the Stan Smith, you can be out of luck the next time you go to buy a pair of runners. And that my friends is annoying.

Who the heck was this Stan Smith guy anyway? I'm going to have to look that up.

Everyone Stay Focussed Until We Get to the Other Side

2009-08-14T22:53:00.000-07:00

Today as I was driving along I had the radio tuned to a station from the nearby big city. The inevitable big city traffic report came on and there were accidents on two of the city's bridges. One of my faithful Bloglodites had recently mentioned how annoying the phenomenon of rush hour bridge accidents is. He couldn't understand how this seemed to happen so frequently. It does make one wonder.

Are there really more accidents on the bridges during rush hour than other places during rush hour or is it just that it's more noticeable because it messes things up so bad? Also, why are there accidents on a bridge during rush hour? Isn't everybody just basically following the person in front of them? I don't personally drive in the big city rush hour, so I don't know what's going on for sure, but let me speculate. People aren't paying attention and they are running into the back end of the person in front of them or maybe... wait for it... maybe they are TAILGATING. And to clarify, I mean they are driving really close to the car in front of them and not that they are partying on the bridge. The only other reason I can think of is perhaps they have accidents when changing lanes. Likely changing lanes to try to gain some small time advantage.

Basically these bridge accidents in a lot of cases must be the result of undue care and attention and/or impatience. You people out there getting into accidents on the bridge need to try to be more team players. Let's get everybody safely over the bridge so we don't mess up the traffic for everybody. Stay focussed people! until you get to the other side. Then you can get into your accident.

I have one anecdote about a bridge accident. One time while traveling along the Pacific Coast of Washington State with the family we decided to cross the Columbia River to make a quick visit to Astoria on the Oregon side of the river. This required using a rather long bridge over the mouth of the Columbia. We were heading across the bridge and saw that traffic was backed up ahead (because of an accident it turned out). We decided we would turn around rather than wait. The kids were disappointed as they had hoped to say they had been to Oregon if only for a short visit. Before turning around I noticed that just ahead was the welcome to Oregon sign, so I drove under the sign before turning around and heading back to Washington. The kids got to cross Oregon off the list of states they had visited after all.

One More Use for Arrowroot Cookies

2009-08-07T23:41:00.000-07:00

Tailgating annoys me. It annoys me a lot. Mostly because it is unnecessary and it is dangerous. Like many bad driving habits the problem is that it can be done without consequence thousands of times, but if something unexpected happens then look out!

Some of you out there might be tailgaters. Do you tailgate with the hope of intimidating the person to speed up or move out of the way? If so, I suppose that might explain it. Otherwise it's pretty damn stupid since you can't get there any faster just be being right up close to somebody. In my experience though there are a lot of tailgaters who don't actually seem to be in a hurry, they just drive that way. Up close and personal. I don't like it.

One time the Missus and I were traveling down the highway and this guy was right on our tail. It was only a two lane highway, so there was no passing lane. The Missus was driving and our infant son was in the back seat. I was feeling annoyed and protective, so I took one of our son's Arrowroot cookies and held it on the roof of our car. Then I let go. I didn't throw the cookie, I just let it go. The guy was so close behind us the cookie either hit or narrowly missed hitting the front of his car. If he'd been more than 30 feet behind us it would have fallen harmlessly to the pavement, but no, it was right in his grill.

He got even at us by passing us when we came to a two lane section and giving us the finger. And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Keep it to the Bathroom Stalls

2009-07-31T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hey Kids, it's time to talk about graffiti. I don't understand graffiti. Yes, I know what it is and that the word comes from Italian and originally referred to cave drawings. What I don't understand is why is there so much of it? Is the act of doing graffiti really popular or is there a small group of people doing a whole lot of graffiti? Let's break it down!

If graffiti is a really popular pastime with lots of artists then the obvious question is why is it so popular? However there is no accounting for popularity as I've already documented on my post about tattoos and is also demonstrated by the footwear known as Crocs. Having said this though, I can't recall knowing anyone (even in my youth) who was big into or even dabbled in graffiti, so I must conclude that graffiti is down largely by a small group. Further evidence of this is the apparent skill with which most graffiti is done.

So, this brings me to the question of why spend so much time on graffiti? Why would this become someone's passion? I suppose it might be fun, but it is such an unfair form of fun and that is what makes it so annoying. Near my house there is a large wall painted white that in recent years has become the canvas for at least one spray painter. The business that owns the wall periodically repaints it white only to have the graffiti return. It must be obvious to the graffiti person or people that this must be annoying to the guy with the can of white paint, yet they persist.

Graffiti on a forlorn, unkept, and under-appreciated surface is one thing, but constantly spoiling someone else's idea of what they want their property to look like is mean, rude and annoying. I don't get it.

At the same time I am a big fan of the scrawlings on bathroom stalls, if they are funny. These provide a service to those of us who like to read while we sit. My favourite of all time is still one of the stalls in the basement of the UVic library that I affectionately knew as the Howie Meeker stall. Someone had drawn a sketch of hockey analyst Howie Meeker and put one of his typical expressions next to it (He can't hit the ocean from a pier) and others had added their favourite Meekerisms on their visits to the stall.

Such gems as: "Can't shoot, can't skate, but he's got a heart as big as the whole outdoors," or "He went around the defence like a hoop around a barrel." The list was about ten long. Apparently the custodians liked it too as it seemed to outlast the other graffiti.

Holding Me Over a Bank Machine

2009-07-26T23:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's something that's not just annoying, it's damn unfair. As you all know, bank machines, or automated tellers, charge you a fee to extract money. I'm okay with this as the machine is providing me with a service. It's convenient not to have to look for my bank and just go to the nearest machine. All fine and dandy.

Now you may have also noticed that these machines don't all charge the same fee. Generally in my experience the fee is $1.50. Occasionally it is $1.75 or $1.25, but far and away the most common fee going at a bank machine is $1.50. Once I used a machine at Costco and it was only 75 cents. Those Costco guys are always undercutting the little guy. Now here comes the crux of the matter (I've always wanted to use that expression).

I have experienced a rather nasty strategy being used in some places with bank machines. These places are usually somewhere that has few choices for getting cash. A captive banking audience. The most recent was inside the gates of Playland, a Vancouver amusement park. I didn't have any cash when arriving at the park, but thought, no problem there will be a bank machine. We paid to get in and there was the machine. I put in my card and the fee at this machine was $2.75. Give me a break.

Special Offer? I Don't Think So.

2009-07-22T23:54:00.000-07:00

The baked potato dominated in the steak accompaniment poll. Keep looking for polls when you check out A and A. I find them so much fun. Now onto the next post...

You want to know what really bugs me? Of course you do! Special offers, that ain't special. Or at least they don't live up to their billing. Case in point. Recently at a mini-golf course the score card had an advertisement on it that had "Kids Eat Free" in big letters taking up the top quarter of the add. The name of the restaurant was also prominent. Then in small type I found the following: "Only available 5-6 pm on Wednesdays".

Now, if you're going to have some kind of special offer to attract customers then don't be pulling something like this. Either make it weekdays or something other than one hour a week. I feel offers like this are mostly just to get people to mistakenly come to the restaurant with their kids in tow at some time other than that measly one hour window and then find out that they can't get the deal, but now that they are there they might as well stay. It's cheesy.

The same goes for a lot of those two for one offers out there that come with all kinds of restrictions in the fine print. If you don't want to offer two for one then don't do it. And don't get me started on the "starting at 66.99 type promos". Has anyone ever got the starting price on one of those deals?

Then of course there is the old change of ownership ploy. You're all excited about your coupon or two for one offer or maybe your free game of mini-golf you earned by getting a hole-in-one your last time out and they tell you that they aren't honouring the offer because it was made by the previous ownership. Their right I suppose, but not exactly the way to get off to a good start with your clientele.

That's One Hot Potato!

2009-07-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, I've brought back the poll to the A & A blog. Please vote so I get some sense of how many are paying attention out there.

Today's post may not be the consensus feeling of my readers. It's about the expectations people have of their servers (waiter or waitress in pre-politically correct speak). I don't understand why so many people feel their server has to live up to high expectations, and that when they don't, that they are open to rude behaviour. This doesn't seem to be the case with other jobs. Servers take it on the chin if they are perceived to be doing a poor job.

I say treat them and those working in other service jobs like fast food or even those troublesome cashiers, that are always asking me about my weekend, with a little respect, and when possible, tip well. These are generally speaking not high paying jobs and they are under the pressure of performing for each customer. We should all be so unlucky.

A friend who I was out for dinner with recently told me the story of his career as a waiter. He was working for a steakhouse in the upper mid-range of restaurants. He had worked his way up to waiter after a few months at the establishment and thought he was getting his big break. One night things weren't going so well and one gentleman was being particularly annoying.

The annoying gentleman was being condescending in my friends opinion and generally being rude and treating him like dirt. He and his female companion both ordered the same meal, but the man asked for a baked potato, while the woman wanted rice. When my friend brought the meals to the table he placed them backwards with the potato in front of the woman. He started to walk away and the man called him back. "Boy, I ordered the baked potato," said he.

My friend the waiter came back and apologized. He then picked up the baked potato from the woman's plate and put it on the man's and then grabbed the pile of rice on his plate and put it on hers. "There you go," he said. He turned and walked to the back of the restaurant, through the kitchen, out the back door and drove home.

Stop Telling Me What to Do

2009-07-13T19:26:00.000-07:00

I went to a B.C. Lions game on Friday night. Canadian Football League action for those of you from other parts of the planet. That's football North American style, not soccer. The game was fine and enjoyable, but there was something very annoying to report. And I don't believe this is an isolated incident.

The stadium was less than half full, but it was a large crowd of 26,000. This crowd was happy to get up and get excited when it saw fit and that's the way it should be. However, the public address announcer kept coming on at times that he saw fit to try and exhort the crowd to "make some noise". His pleas were augmented by loud music and electronic signs that also encouraged the crowd. I find it condescending to me as a sports fan that I'm being told when to cheer. In this case it was usually to make it loud in the stadium on a key defensive play to make things more difficult for the visiting Tiger Cats of Hamilton.

Any football fan worth his or her salt or pepper knows that you're supposed to make noise to help out your defense. Sometimes as a fan you feel inspired to do this and at other times maybe you're not quite ready to put your heart and soul into it. Let me decide, Mr. Public Address Announcer, because you are not the boss of me.

In other news...

Have any of you other males out there noticed the evolution of the urinal that has taken place. It occurred to me when I was in a restaurant last week that had dividers between the urinals to provide more privacy. This is becoming more and more common. I'm not here to pass judgement on it, I'm just pointing out the phenomenon. On the other end of the scale if you go into a much older bathroom such as the one in the basement of the Fish House in Vancouver's Stanley Park then you're just peeing against a wall that drains into a trough. There are no separations between the users at all. You are all in it together.

The Rant - Parking Lot Edition

2009-07-06T22:53:00.000-07:00

I was walking through a parking lot this week and an older lady went on a rant and there I was, stuck being her lone audience member. It didn't matter that I didn't engage her in conversation. She was on a roll.

It all began because someone backing out of a parking space didn't see her and I suppose there was a near collision. She then proceeded to tell me that it happens almost every time she is in that parking lot and that nobody looks out of their back windows anymore. That she was going to begin taking down license plates so she could phone them into the police and that if she ever gets hit she is going to sue for a million dollars.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that it might be easier to actually watch out for cars that are backing out of spaces and not walk behind them than it would be to stop to take down the license plate and call the police. In fact I could have pointed out to her that the cars have these convenient reverse lights that let you know if a car is going to back out. I could have also said that I walk through that parking lot all the time and not once have I come close to being hit by a reversing car.

The Missus tried to suggest that perhaps this woman was slow afoot and couldn't get out of the way fast enough. If you were thinking likewise, then let me say for the record, that she had no trouble keeping up with me as she ranted on about these idiot drivers on our way across the parking lot.

Bottom line, as I've said before, is that as a pedestrian you've got to have your eyes open and not expect the cars to be seeing you. So stop annoying me with your rants you oblivious-whining- overtalkative parking lot strollers. You annoy me. Hah!

An unrelated story this week to share with you. Once at my school there was a raffle being held for a big stuffed bear. The students had purchased tickets and could put them in the draw bucket during the week. The bear had been donated by a family to raise money for the school and on the day of the raffle the principal had one of the children from this family do the draw. The kid reaches into the bucket and pulls out a ticket and hands it to the principal. It's a little bit crumpled up (it may have been a lot crumpled up, but I can't quite recall the extent) and it has the kids name on it. He won his own bear! The principal's theory was that the kid had his ticket crumpled up in his hand and when he reached into the bucket he didn't actually take a ticket out, but just handed the principal the one that was already in his hand. Nice.

2009-06-28T21:24:00.001-07:00

In my neighbourhood there is a Kentucky Fried Chicken, or KFC as the kids say. I am not annoyed by the presence of the KFC. Just heading that one off at the pass if you thought that was where I was going. In fact, I quite enjoy the nightly aroma as it wafts through the neighbourhood. Not to mention the glow of the bucket on the cold winter nights. It's quite festive.

No, what annoys me is not the KFC, but the customers. Not all of the customers, just some of them. I must admit that I do not know if the behaviours I am going to rant against are exclusive to KFC clientele. Please send in your own evidence if you know of such goings on in other locations.

So here's the deal. At this particular KFC, there is no parking (legal anyway) right by the actual entrance (in fact now that I think about it, this KFC doesn't even have a handicapped parking space). There is plenty of parking out behind the restaurant. The distance from these spots to the door is 60-100 feet or for you youngsters out there it is about 25 metres. The area right around the chicken outlet clearly has "no parking" marked on the ground and in some spots on the walls, yet many of the customers park in these no parking areas to go in to get their chicken. The thought of walking an extra 25 metres is just too much, which given the contents of a KFC dinner makes this crime of laziness all the worse.

To top matters off, some of these lazy people (and I've seen that they can walk without any noticeable limps or other pain) also leave the car idling. And not because it is cold out! Call me crazy, but that's annoying.

I don't often patronize the local KFC, but when I do it is often to make a very small purchase. If I'm making mash potatoes for dinner, I'll sometimes run over to the KFC and purchase a small gravy for me and the missus. The kids don't like gravy, so the small individual gravy that is about a buck, does the trick. That's my entire order. Usually gets a chuckle or at least a grin from the KFC employees. I think I might be known to them as "Gravy Man".

Let's Be Sensible with the Parking

2009-06-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, here is something that has bugged me for a long time and will probably get me in trouble with some people. Handicapped parking. No, I don't find the concept of handicapped parking annoying, but I do find the way it is put into practice to be terribly frustrating.

Now to be clear, there are places where such spaces make sense. My local grocery store has a few spots up close and that makes plenty of sense. However, sometimes it is silly. There's a rec centre in town that because of its large parking lot (at least I surmise that there is some kind of ratio rule) has ten handicap spots. They are all together and they are almost always empty. And to top it off they are a long walk from the door. That's right, because the closest spots to the front door are around the side of the building. Anyone who can make it to the door from those spots can make it from anywhere in the parking lot.

Have I ever told you about the time I backed out of the garage as a teenager with the car door open. Almost took the darn thing off. Then a few months later I did it again. Cost quite a bit to fix it. Now that was truly a handicapped parking space.

Plastic - It's Your Turn

2009-06-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

Plastic is a great product. Nowadays it is hard to imagine how we survived without things like computers, gas barbecues and of course plastic. Unfortunately with the plastic and maybe even the barbecues, I have a sneaking suspicion we aren't surviving as long as we could. So today on A&A my friends it is time to take aim at plastic.

Plastic has its place, but my fear is that plastic is leaking into our food and poisoning us. I don't have any research to back this up (although alert readers can probably dig something up as there seems to lots of hints being made), but it is my gut instinct. Even if I'm wrong, I do think I'm right that plastic changes the taste of things and changes it for the worse. So here is what annoys me. More and more liquids can only be bought in plastic. It started with the milk, then moved onto Coke, and now.... wait for it... it has struck my beloved HP sauce. HP sauce is now only being sold in plastic, at least at my local stores.

I have tried to avoid plastics as much as possible by using alternatives. I switched to a metal water bottle. I switched to the 26 ounce rum when the mickeys went plastic. I only buy the salad dressings sold in glass bottles. I even buy the more expensive small glass ketchups rather than save money with the bigger plastic ones. What's the alternative for HP sauce? There is none. How can I enjoy my sausages with anything but HP? This plastic thing has officially gone from worrisome to annoying.

Today's anecdote comes from my days long ago in the grocery business...

Some of you may not be aware that back in university I worked at a local Safeway. I was a lowly clerk taking care of buggies, bagging, and bottles. Back in the day (the good old days) the pop was still sold in glass 750 ml bottles rather than today's plastic "torpedoes". When these glass bottles were returned we would load them into empty banana boxes and pull them in a wagon to the back for shipping elsewhere.

I had two of these banana boxes stacked on top on each other and was heading to the back when the load shifted and the top box fell. I may have inadvertently have aided the dreadful advance of the plastic container. As I stood there staring at the mound of broken glass that I had caused, the assistant manager came around the corner and gave me a very dry, "Way to go Jack," and walked away. "Can we get a dry clean-up on aisle six, please."

P.S. - For more interesting stories from the grocery store, I recommend the cashier blog that I have added to my links list. "Be Kind to Your Cashier".

Okay Lads - Put Down the Pipes

2009-06-10T19:54:00.000-07:00

A lot of people are annoyed by the bagpipes. Everyone likes to poke fun at this fine Scottish instrument. Plenty of jokes about dead cats and the like. Or something like that. I've pretty much ignored these people over the years (one of which is the Missus) and figured them to be intolerant musical snobs who don't know how to appreciate the multicultural mosaic of instrumentation that lives on our fine planet. Until now...

Last Friday night, my son's baseball team which I proudly help coach, was playing a game in beautiful Duncan. The game took place in the shadow of the world's biggest hockey stick right by the highway, if you're familiar at all with Duncan (I know my readers from faraway might not be, but suffice it to say that it's a landmark). Behind our dugout and the backstop was a parking lot for the hockey arena to which said humongous hockey stick is attached. Early in the game, in this parking lot within a baseball throw (actually less than that even) of our game, a group of bagpipers began to practice.

Now we're not talking one set of pipes here, it was a whole marching band of them. I'd say at least ten guys. They were pumping out the volume and marching back and forth behind our game. It was quite surreal to look out onto the field and see the action being accompanied by one of the three songs written for the bagpipes. It was headache producing. I guess my tolerance for the bagpipes was just a little stronger than the masses, but I now know what the fuss is all about.

The Recap Post

2009-06-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's time to catch up on a few annoyances from the past and see how things are going.

This weekend I was down at the Oak Bay tea party, briefly. Just wanted to have a Baron of Beef. Anyhow, while I was down there I noticed that the Girl Guides were staffing the Tetley Tea Tent. You could get a cup of tea and some of their cookies. I resisted the temptation to check it out, but now I'm regretting that decision. It would have been a perfect opportunity to learn a few things.

I would have first checked to see if when you got your cookies with your tea if you were forced to take both a chocolate and a vanilla or if you had your choice. And if there was choice, just which flavour was being scooped up. Alas, I have no proof for my vanilla is better campaign. I also should have gone up to one of the Girl Guide leaders and had a word about the cookies. Maybe they have more pull than the lowly sales girls that I've dealt with over the years.

Since my post on tattoos, I've noticed that they really are taking over the bodies of those born between I'd say about 1980 and 1990. Figures that 80's kids would be so clued out in terms of fashion.

On the wasp front, I am happy to say that I not only seem to have killed off the buggers at my house, but I also went over and did in a nest at my mother's. I'm now for hire, cheap! For twenty bucks I'll come kill your wasps too. As for the rats, there has not been a return visit. I did talk to a guy this week who had a rat come up his toilet. A lot of people didn't believe me when I floated that theory about my rat, but he says it happened to him. He tried to flush the rat, but it just stretched out its legs and watched the water go round and round.

I have had some regular readers suggest some annoyances to me recently and I will probably get around to tackling these in an upcoming post. What I'd really like to my readers to send me is photos of annoying signs like the ones in my post, "Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign". If you don't remember that one you can find it using the blog archive on the right. It's under April. Bye for now.

Bertuzzi, You Suck! ..... maybe....

2009-06-04T23:08:00.000-07:00

I promised more on Bertuzzi in my last post, so here goes. I have always been annoyed by players who are seemingly blessed with talent and don't show any hustle or effort. I'm not talking about the guys who are trying to look cool and nonchalant, although they annoy me too (there's another post for later). I mean the guys who just seem lazy.

It is so obvious with Bertuzzi (if you don't know he spends most of the time when he doesn't have the puck just cruising around like he's at a public

skating session) that he has become a verb in my lexicon and many of the people I have used it on know exactly what I mean. As in, "hey you, don't Bertuzzi it", used when someone is putting in a half-ass effort on something.

Now sure, Bertuzzi became a public enemy after the Steve Moore incident, but I was off his bandwagon way before that. In fact I can forgive him more for that stupid mistake than the rash of stupid penalties he was always taking, especially at crucial moments late in key games. He drove me crazy long before he drove Steve Moore into a neck brace.

So, to sum up, I don't like Bertuzzi. Wait, stop the presses. I've softened on Todd recently. During the play-offs this year (Bertuzzi is now in Calgary), Bert's coach, Mike Keenan, was blowing a gasket late in the game and wanted at the opposing coach. I mean he was really losing it and was heading towards their bench. Good old Todd was at the end of the Calgary bench and he put out his big arm and held Keenan back while quietly saying something to him. The something he said seemed to calm Keenan down enough to keep him from doing something stupid. I'm guessing it was something along the lines of, "Coach, it ain't worth it." Anyhow, I liked Bertuzzi at that moment. I'm now off the Bertuzzi sucks bandwagon.

I might add though that the name Bertuzzi is one of the best names to speak in anger.

My brother was in a downtown bar one night having a good time. He has a very slight resemblance to Bertuzzi. Some other patron who had probably had a few beverages yelled across the bar at him, "Hey Bertuzzi, you suck!" I wish I had been there.

Shut-up you Homer!

2009-05-31T23:17:00.000-07:00

Homer fans are annoying. Yes they are. Sure they can be cute to watch as they lose all sense of reality and go berserk over a bang-bang play at first that they think the umpire has screwed their team on, but generally speaking they are annoying. There are a number of examples other than screaming like an idiot over a close call that the other teams homer fan would have been screaming about if it had gone the other way (I hope I didn't lose anybody there). I admit to borrowing these ideas liberally from recent readings on other blogs, but the inspiration comes from having recently attended a home game of the brand spanking new Victoria Seals baseball team.

Another way the Homer Fan (henceforth the HF) annoys is with the "WE" factor. This is when the HF refers to his team as "we". As in, "we should have taken more three point shots last night". The HF seems to mistakenly believe he/she is actually part of the team.

The HF annoys yet again by adopting into his heart players he couldn't stand if they were playing on another team. Bertuzzi being a case in point. I promise more on Bertuzzi in an upcoming blog, so if you don't know who Bertuzzi is stay tuned and if you do then prepare to nod your head in agreement.

Last summer I spent some time at the Cape and in the Boston area. Boston is probably has the most per capita homer fans in North America (well I can't really speak for the Mexicans, but in the U.S. and Canada). They are so okay with homerism that they have a network there called the New England Sports Network that I took to calling the Homer Sports Network. My god, it was awful.

Bring on the Vanilla!

2009-05-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

This post I have a bone to pick with the Girl Guides. No, I'm not concerned with their outdated fashion or their strange rituals. The problem is the cookies.

I'm a sucker for Girl Guide cookies and as an elementary teacher there is often a ready supply. Smart sales girls have been known to hit me up for a half dozen boxes. The thing is, I really only like the vanilla cookies.

If you're not familiar with Girl Guide cookies (perhaps you've been living on Mars), they come with two rows of cookies. One is vanilla and the other is chocolate. Generally speaking I'm a chocolate guy, but not with these cookies. The vanilla are scrumptious, while the chocolate are mildly disappointing.

For years now I have been asking my contacts in the Girl Guides to let the higher ups know that they should offer all vanilla packs. I have gotten nowhere with these low level lackeys and remain annoyed at having to eat or give away half of the cookies in the box just to enjoy the ones I really want to eat. If you're listening grand poobah of the Girl Guides, please, please, offer us the cookies we really crave. And for god's sake, I don't mean those mint ones you've tried to foist upon us in recent years. Bring on the vanilla!

Speaking of cookies... The missus has a weakness for cookies and when we were a young couple she didn't like me to buy cookies. Now she is outvoted by our two teenage boys and there are plenty of cookies around. But back in the day, I used to like to have a cookie every now and then, but if I did buy cookies she would eat most of them before I'd gotten the chance to enjoy many at my much slower rate of consumption.

So what did Little Jackie Showers do? I hid them in the kitchen drapes. You could see them hanging up there above the sink if you looked up, but nobody every looks up. Especially not the missus it turns out. I was able to enjoy those Fudge'O's for the next three months.

Radar Said No and You Can Too!

2009-05-23T23:41:00.000-07:00

Tattoos are mildly annoying at times. Sometimes they can be cute, sexy, or inoffensive. Other times they score high on my Annoyance Meter (soon available in fine retail stores). Why do they annoy you Gramps, you ask? Well let me tell ya.

First off the tattoo fad has been going on for awhile now, but not as long as the young people may think. About 25 years ago the only people with tattoos were ex-Navy guys or bikers. It was definitely not a cool thing to do. Unless of course you thought being in a biker gang was cool. Somewhere along the line most of these tattoos became old news and the young folks didn't know about them and tattoos became cutting edge fashion. Now most youngsters are sporting them. Even my younger brother has one and he's not so young.

So what you say? Well, I remember the M.A.S.H. episode in which Radar wants to get a tattoo and he is talked out of it. It was very educational and had plenty of good reasons why you shouldn't get a tattoo. So there.

What really bugs me about tattoos is not the odd little tattoo someone is sporting. It's when the tattoos start to dominate the human canvas. What's with covering oneself in the damn

things. It really looks silly to me and I'm sorry, annoying. Beats those piercings though.

I have no tattoo anecdotes other than I learned tonight that tattoo has three t's and not just two. Who knew? Good thing the spell check caught it for me. Would have been two misspellings in a week!

What's the Scoop on Scoops?

2009-05-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

More on the topic of ice cream tonight. Might as well milk the topic while I'm on it. Wouldn't want someone else to get the scoop on me when it comes to ice cream annoyances.

My youngest son rightly pointed out to me after our weekend ice cream experience that a scoop is not a scoop and this can lead to confusion amongst the ice cream buying populace. Shame, shame. How is the customer supposed to get a handle on the ice cream quantity when a scoop is not a scoop. Now, some ice cream places (mostly gelato or Baskin Robbins) actually mean a scoop when the say a scoop. And that's a rip-off, which would explain why you don't see many Baskin Robbins around anymore. You might not recall, but they used to weigh the cone to make sure they were giving just the right amount. Talk about chintzy.

So, I'm not complaining that ice cream joints mostly give more than a scoop when you order a scoop (in fact I'd estimate the average to be about three scoops to make a "scoop"), but maybe they should just call it small, medium, and large. Or one ball of ice cream, two balls or three.

Enough about ice cream. Spring is in the air and the flowers are all in bloom. You know, I've lived in Victoria all my life. What is Victoria's most famous attraction? Why Butchard Gardens of course. As a life-long Victorian, certainly I've been to Butchard Gardens.

It only took till I was twenty-two to go the first time and that was because a friend of a friend was visiting from Quebec and wanted to see it. Awww, flowers. Who needs them.

We All Scream for Ice Cream

2009-05-17T23:42:00.001-07:00

It's the long weekend and I don't have to work tomorrow! And today I had ice cream. Not in a bowl at home, but out with family and friends at a cone place. On a hot day, the ice cream cone joint is always ahopping and this was no exception for us. We all enjoyed our ice cream experience, but it did get me to thinking...

We last dealt with the grocery store line-up and people weaseling their way into the express line. When it comes to line-ups, why is there no standard protocol? There's the grocery store guess-the-fastest-cashier method (also used at McDonalds and A&W). There's the bank line-up method in which there is one line and when a teller becomes available the next person in line gets helped (used by Wendy's and Tim Hortons). Meat fans will be familiar with the deli method of taking a number (not used by any fast food joints). Lastly there is the free-for-all method favoured strangely by ice cream counters. This is when it comes down to who catches the employee's attention first gets the attention first (also in use at Cob's bread).

Seems to me we should reach some consensus on this whole line-up thing and whenever possible use the methods that are clearly fairer and less annoying. I say we go with the bank method except where we need to view the product options carefully (the deli, butcher shop, or ice cream place for example) and in those cases we try and be civil and let the person who has been there longer than us get served before us. And boo the weasels who try and get the cone guy to scoop their cone before their turn.

Now a story about ice cream...

Most people get pretty excited about cone places that really pile it on the cone. Those where the definition of a single scoop is stretched to the breaking point. So it was with me, as I stopped for ice cream on the way home from work one day. I excitedly brought the cone back to my car and began the drive home on what was a very windy road.

Now the top of this cone was massive and the bottom was just one of those regular type ice cream cones that you can buy out of a box at the grocery store. About three corners into my trip it was a hard turn to the left. That was it for the cone as the gravitation forces snapped the top off and sent the ice cream portion flying to the floor on the passenger side and left me holding the empty bottom of the cone. Another lesson learned about greed.

Boo to the Wienees

2009-05-13T22:50:00.000-07:00

One of my loyal readers tossed out this annoyance for me to run with (other requests are welcome). The person in the grocery express lane who goes over the limit. Bastards! Or maybe wienees is a better term. Where's the sense of fair play? Where's the respect for your fellow shopper? How selfish is this behaviour? Or can some people just not count?

For those of you who aren't sure what I'm talking about, let me explain. Grocery stores have express tills where you can go if you have ten items or less (I know it should be "fewer", but the signs usually say less). Sometimes it is twelve or some other number. Some people get in line with more than ten. Sure, maybe if you've got a couple over you just weren't sure until you laid them out on the till, but if you're way over then you're damn well cheating. Most grocery stores are reluctant to call their customers on this. I say, we start booing them.

Speaking of grocery stores, at my local store they have one of those crab tanks. I like looking at the crabs. Sometimes one crab will be making a darn good effort to escape the tank. His claw will be hanging on to the upper edge of the tank wall and it seems he just might be able to pull himself up and over. I often stand waiting to see if it can be done. I haven't seen it yet, but some day... Some day a crab will launch itself out and on to the freedom of the fish department floor!

Let's Have More News That's Fit to Print

2009-05-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

The news can sure be annoying. I like to read the newspaper and try to do it every day. I watch the CBC National quite often too. Some of this news is well done, but there sure is a lot of crap. Which part is the crap? I'd say the overblown, sensationalized, and only scratch the surface stuff. Election coverage is the most obvious culprit, but in B.C.'s current election the Swine Flu has been competing for the worst news coverage.

I suppose the populace is to blame for such things. If the superficial is what people watch then the superficial is what we'll get. Or maybe the superficial is just cheaper to produce. As I'm writing this I'm enjoying some nice pork chow mien. Those pigs don's scare me. At least not yet. Same with SARS, killer bees, and earthquakes. Crosswalks on the other hand I worry about.

Yes, we should be prepared for such problems as a flu epidemic and we should put resources into being prepared for it. I'm not sure we need to report on it like it's some killer virus like those in the movies. Let's keep a sense of perspective and a sense of how much news space should go to such a thing. Maybe if more news effort was put into how to prepare for the pandemic than reporting on the panicdemic we'd all be better off.

My flu anecdote...

My father rarely missed work because of illness. In fact he probably didn't miss any days most years. One year though he caught a bad flew bug and was at home for a whole week. My mother had a rare cure for his illness. She went out and bought a color TV to replace our black and white. The cure worked wonders and Dad was back on his feet in no time. It's hard to believe that I was a black and white TV kid.

Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, Please Shine Down on Me.

2009-05-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

I hate camping in the rain. I like camping. Especially the part where I stare into the campfire and drift off into another dimension. But if it is raining then camping is like prison. I've tried the tarp thing and it doesn't work for me. Just thought I'd share that little annoyance with you today.

And before you start chirping in, you anti-campite bastards, I also find it annoying when people dump on the idea of camping. That's right, no smores for you!

One time when the kids were young, me and the missus went on a camping trip on the Sunshine Coast. On the last night of the trip we were heading into a campground in Powell River. It started to rain just when we arrived. We got the tent up fairly quickly and the family disappeared inside as I began putting up the tarp.

It started to rain really heavily about this time. I mean it was coming down in a sheet and I was battling with the tarp and getting soaked to the skin. After a few minutes of this I announced I was giving up and we bugged out and left the tent behind to weather the storm. We drove into town and found a hotel room. Soon the sun came out and we lucked out because there was a festival in town. The Blackberry Festival. A good time was had by all and we got a good nights sleep in the hotel that night.

Oh, did I mention I don't like camping in a tent either... The ground is kind of hard.

Never Leave on Today, What You Don't Want to Turn Off Tomorrow.

2009-05-03T22:26:00.000-07:00

Hey kids, how's it going? I am happy to report that the Sunshine Breakfast poll is proving that the silent majority want their Sunshine Breakfast back. I didn't get to have the Sunshine Breakfast on my recent ferry trip and had to settle for the buffet instead. No annoyances to report from the buffet, but I can't say I was thrilled. As for anecdotes, there was the chubby kid sitting next to me drinking a coke with his breakfast. But on to new things...

Here's something that has always annoyed me, but until recently I didn't really grasp just how much. It is the habit of programs to show the audience whenever someone on the show says something funny. It's like the comment or joke can't stand on its own two feet. I have to be shown how other people think it is funny, just in case I need more reassurance that it is okay to laugh and that I should be finding the program highly amusing.

This all came to a head for me when I was recently watching a self-help type DVD (yes, Little Jackie Showers was in need of some help) and the speaker on the program was making the odd cute aside and they'd always cut to the audience. Funnily enough as the program wore on they cut to the audience at other times as well and I could tell that the audience, like me, was not quite buying what this guy was selling. Now that was funny.

Tonight's anecdote is from the world of barbecuing and is meant as a safety reminder at this time of year. One night I was barbecuing and when I finished there were quite a bit of meaty bits left on the grill that had come off the main meat chunks when they had been removed from the BBQ (perhaps a little Olive oil would have helped). I decided I would leave the barbecue on a little while to burn off these remnants and come back out and turn it off later. Well later turned out the be the next morning when the missus happened by the barbecue. It was pretty damn hot by then. Thankfully it was only the barbecue that was hot and not the flaming wreck of my house.

Buzz Off You Pests!

2009-04-28T21:24:00.000-07:00

Wasps bug me. I'm sure they serve some kind of useful purpose, but like the rats that I have ranted against in this blog previously, they don't need to be serving their purpose while using my house. Every year wasps try to find a place to build a nest somewhere on my property. And my property isn't very big.

I might put up with the nest attempts in the vegetation or even the garage, but when they find little holes in the house to sneak into to build nests in the walls that is downright uncalled for. I had to spray one two nights ago and tonight there is no sign of the little buggers, but if experience tells me anything, they're not dead yet. Maybe I'll get lucky this time, but I figure I have only won the battle and not yet the war.

These little varmints are pretty impressive in their determination. One year I sealed in a nest that was built in an outside wall with that really thick plastic sheeting and some duck tape. I mean we're talking serious plastic here. I banged on the wall and they all flew out in a rage only to be trapped inside the plastic. Easy pickings to be squished by my barbecue flipper. No sports equipment for the wasps (regular readers will recall my penchant for dealing with rats using sports equipment such as hockey sticks and ski poles). I carried on this program of violent extermination for about a week. Then after a couple of days off I came outside to find they had chewed through the plastic. That's got to take some effort.

Another time we had a wasp nest in a hole in an outside wall. I wasn't too worried about it until we started to find wasps stranded and lost inside the house. About a dozen a day. I figured something was up and I looked in the closet and they had eaten a hole in the wood and were expanding their nest into the closet. Yikes!! No more mister nice guy after that.

Pining for the Lost Breakfast

2009-04-25T22:10:00.000-07:00

Howdy folks. I'm traveling on the B.C. Ferries again this weekend and as usual this has inspired me in the blogular sense. Quite some time ago I was annoyed at a decision the good old ferry corporation made. I can't really blame them for the decision as they were a victim of a vicious smear campaign. Led by editorial cartoonist Raeside of the Times Colonist and various other pundits, the B.C. media perpetrated hate crimes against.... The Sunshine Breakfast!

Sure, in a visual sense the Sunshine Breakfast looked god awful, but who cares what it looks like if it tastes good and taste good it did. I'm not convinced that Raeside and his cronies in the media even dislike the SB as much as it was just a fun target to take shots at. Everyone likes to take shots at the ferries, especially back in the day. David Hahn (ferry CEO) was a wise man to ditch the SB. It was a symbolic separation from the old days of the B.C. Ferries and, combined with the change to serving White Spot fare, it convinced everyone that life was better aboard the boats.

I beg to differ. My research (quickly done I admit, but I'm sure nobody would be lying on the internet) tells me they sold 180,000 SB's a year. Somebody was eating all those SB's and that somebody wasn't just me. Those of us who like the Sunshine Breakfast have been deprived of this taste sensation because of optics, PR, and other marketing stuff. Dammit, I want my Sunshine Breakfast back.

B.C. Ferry story....

One time I was traveling on the ferry with the school. I had warned the students that I didn't want to hear, "Would the teacher in charge of the Sooke School group please report to the Chief Steward's office." Teachers don't like to hear that announcement because it isn't going to be something good. Well sure enough I hear the announcement and make my way to the Chief Steward's office expecting to find some student who has messed up.

When I get there it is not a problem with a student, but one of the supervising parents. Talk about a sticky situation. Turns out I even knew the Chief Steward. That probably helped save the situation. It was a big brouhaha over the rules in the buffet (say, maybe they got rid of the Sunshine Breakfast so more people would go to the buffet, since the best breakfast menu item in the cafeteria is now gone).

The parent had not paid for the buffet but had gone in with her child and said she wouldn't be eating (not a bad idea as the buffet is cheap for the kids). At the end of the meal there was something left on her daughter's plate. It was either a pineapple chunk or a chicken nugget, memory fails. The Buffet Police saw the transgression on the part of the mother and quickly pounced. She refused to pay for a full meal for eating one thing, but the Chief Steward explained to me that those were the rules. After all, where were they to draw the line against people trying to sneak free food, so they drew it at zero tolerance.

I managed to calm the situation down, but I don't remember the final outcome. I think the parent ended up bucking up once it became apparent that otherwise the school would be paying. So make sure you play by the rules in the buffet or you could be hauled down to the Cheif Stewards office and if Little Jackie Showers ain't there to bail you out then you could be walking the plank.

What Kind of Question is That?

2009-04-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read my post of last week in which I posed some "annoying" questions then you might want to check that out. It's the one about Dominos and Dole. Anyhow, in that post I hoped to find some answers to these questions. Alas I am left wondering about Joe Torre, Hawaiian pizza and women's shoe sizes. However, an anonymous cashier was kind enough to satisfy my curiousity in regards to what cashiers think when they see what people are buying. My thanks to the cashier who shall remain anonymous. And to truly thank this cashier as well as assist any other grocery cashiers who are perusing my blog, I offer the following kindly suggestion:

Don't ask the customer what they have planned for the weekend.

Where does this idea come from? There are a few cashiers at my local store who will chuck this question at me. I mean, I'm a 45 year old gentleman and I'm pretty sure these pre-thirty gals aren't really interested in what I've got planned for the weekend. Not to mention the fact that most weekends if I were to tell them the truth it would be embarrassing for me and either pathetically amusing to them or, if they are indeed sincere in their curiousity, it would be incredibly disappointing.

"Oh, I'm going to take these here groceries home and put them in the cupboards before I vacuum the house and clean the toilets. Then I'm going to watch some golf, make some dinner and if I don't fall asleep early I'll watch a video with the missus."

And if I do have some great plans for the weekend, I'm no plandropper so I'd undersell them anyway. I plead with the cashiers of the nation to leave this question out of their witty repartee. Oh yeah, and don't squeeze the cheese buns.

Lake Cowichan - Home of the Hockey Pucks

2009-04-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

Hey it is Monday and that means A and A is still one day late. Have no fear. It is baseball season and so A and A is officially off its regular schedule. You'll just have to check in now and then to see if there is a new post. And if there isn't then check out all the funny comments by my loyal bloglodites. This season I'm helping with both of my boy's teams and there is no telling what day of the week I've got time to post.

I like pretty much all sports. I love baseball season. I've also become in the last few seasons a hockey fan again. I like the new enforcement of the old rules that were not enforced for about a generation. The hockey today is very exciting. There is still something about hockey that annoys me. Okay there are two things. The first is Todd Bertuzzi, but I'll leave that till another time. The other one is all the pushing that goes on after every whistle. Why is this part of the game of hockey. It seems so childish. You don't see it in football to anywhere near the same degree. It happens, but not after every pile up. Hockey players seem to have this need to prove their toughness at every whistle.

I do have an anecdote about this as well. I used to referee football. One year we went up to Lake Cowichan to do a game. Lake Cowichan was a new team to the league and it was their first ever game. The first play of the game after the kickoff was a running play. There was a pileup at midfield and we referees blew our whistles to end the play. A seemingly harmless regular run of the mill football play until the whistles went and then the Lake Cowichan team all started pushing and shoving. We settled them down and got ready for the next play. The same thing happens. The whistles blow and then there is all this pushing and shoving. I'd never seen that on the football field.

We stopped the game and had the coach of the new team come out on to the field. We along with him explained that when the whistle blows you stop and go back to your huddle. Things got better. What was going on? It turns out the Cowichan Lake team were all hockey players getting their first taste of football. They didn't know any better. The poor saps.

Have You Ever Wondered Where Dole Would Be Without Dominos?

2009-04-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

Holy Cow it's Thursday! Wednesday snuck right past me. It's time for another edition of A and A. This time I'm going to share with you some annoying little questions that have been floating around in my head for some time. Feel free to add your own in the comments section. Also, let me put a plug in for the new blog in my links section on the right. The (Old) Sports Guy. Now for those questions.

When Joe Torre goes out to the mound to talk to the pitcher in front of 50,000 fans at Yankee or now Dodger stadium, does he only think about what he is going to say to the pitcher or does he think about the fact that 100,000 eyes are on him? Does he wonder what people are thinking about him as he walks out there? Is he trying to walk a particular way, so people will think a certain thing about him?

Do grocery store cashiers judge people by the food they are buying? Do they label people granola crunchers, boring, lard asses or freaks as they are scanning the food?

What does Barack Obama think of himself? How do you think his self esteem is?

How come Hawaiian pizza is so popular? I like it too, but how did pineapple manage to make such inroads into the pizza topping business. No other fruit has been able to capture the taste buds of pizza lovers. Who thought of this? What would happen to the pineapple industry if Hawaiian pizza suddenly lost it's popularity? What percentage of pineapple worldwide is used on pizza?

Finally, why are women's shoe sizes different than men's? Is it a width thing or is a seven actually a different length for men than women? If so, why? Any shoe salesmen out there?

Storytime...

Baseball season is now underway. My boys play their first games this weekend. I umpired a game tonight. The Blue Jays and Mariners are both off to a good start. Ain't life grand. Let me tell you about the time I tried to help out my little brother on the ball diamond.

Back in my Little League days I was on the same team as my brother for one season. We were in the majors division. I was in my last year as a 12 year old, brother Don was a hot prospect of a nine year old (the youngest you could be in the "majors"). One game, well into the season, Don was called upon to pitch. I was playing third base. Up to the plate comes one of the league's biggest players and best hitters.

The big hitter hits a pop-up that up until that time must have been the highest one I'd ever seen. It was way up there. My first thought was that I needed to help out my little brother (not that he needed help as he was probably better than me). The ball looked to me like it was going to end up somewhere between us so I quickly called it. I tracked the ball, but it was way up there like I said, and it was moving around.

Finally the ball returned to the earth and I dropped to my knees and made a desperate stab at the ball. I missed. I looked up and I was kneeling on the mound and Don was looking at me with a disgusted look that could best be summed up as "you bonehead, I could have caught that." Next season I became an umpire.

Gas and How I Struck Out a Professional Athlete

2009-04-12T20:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, my last post was about the manipulative pricing policies in the pizza industry. Now it's time to talk about the ridiculousness of pricing in the gas industry. And no, I'm not talking about overpricing, monopolies or any of that usual whining you hear about the price of gas. I'm talking about how silly the price of gas is.

Why is gas priced to the tenth of a cent? Today gas in my area is 96.9 cents per litre. If it was 97 cents a litre then it would cost exactly five cents more to fill up a 50 litre tank than at 96.9 cents. We are so obsessed with the price of gas and the big signs that it is displayed on that we're worrying about tenths of cents. Most people could care less about a nickel, but for some reason 96.9 is better than 97. Silly, silly, silly. You don't see apples on sale for 78.6 cents a pound. It would be pretty funny if you did though. Why gas?

Meanwhile people are driving out of their way sometimes to save a few cents a litre on gas. If you save three cents a litre by going somewhere else, then on a 50 litre tank you save $1.50. That's worthwhile if it is not out of your way, but let me ask you this. Do you make a special effort to find your bank to withdraw money or do you just use a convenient cash machine and swallow the $1.50 charge? We need to get over our obsession with the price of gas.

Enough about gas, did I ever tell you about the time I struck out former Vancouver Canuck Greg Adams? Mr. Adams was playing for the Bear Mountain slo-pitch team and we faced them in a tournament. The field had a fence, which is unusual for slo-pitch, and the rule was that if you hit it over the fence it was a dead ball and was called a strike. Given that our team was not known for its power we were quite happy with the rule. Mr. Adams was a pretty big guy and probably pumped some iron in his time, so he was quite capable of hitting the ball over the fence. In fact as it turns out it was difficult for him not to.

The unlucky ex-Canuck hit the first pitch I threw him over the fence for strike one. I grooved him another one and he hit that out as well. Of course being a savvy veteran, Adams tried to take the third pitch to opposite field to keep it in the park. No such luck for him and it was strike three as the ball sailed over the fence for the third time in as many pitches. And that is how I struck out Greg Adams. It's true and it happened in sports.

Pizza, Get Your Piping Hot Pizza Here!

2009-04-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

Okay kids, today we're going to talk about pizza. What's not to like about pizza? It's delicious (most of the time) and it has all the food groups. Yes, that makes it nutritious. Don't try to tell me otherwise you health freaks. Pizza is great.

However.... I must admit that 2 for 1 pizza is getting under my skin. It was kind of a cool idea when it first came out. I remember back in the day when the 2 for 1 pizza places had two pies for the price of one anywhere else. Being in my twenties at the time, quantity was important, so we went ga ga over 2 for 1 pizza. But the gimmick is up. Nowadays they still sell pizza as 2 for 1, in fact there are very few places that don't do their pricing as 2 for 1. It's become the default position. You have to scan the fine print or ask if you want to know how much it cost to buy one pizza. I really don't think we're saving money on the 2 for 1 plan anymore. Is this bothering anyone else out there?

I think the 2 for 1 pizza craze all came crashing down when someone tried to go with 3 for 1 pizza. That's when the whole idea "jumped the shark" (putting some recent learning to use there my faithful readers). Three for one? Are you kidding me. But I digress...

Why is pizza the only item that this 2 for 1 pricing scheme has taken over? It's stupid and it is time to put an end to it before they start having 2 for 1 chicken chow mein.

Anecdote for today:

A very funny thing happened at Fenway Park with a slice of pizza once. You really ought to see it on YouTube. Here it is below. This is after the event and the broadcasters are just returning from a commercial break when they've had time to figure out what happened.

Litter Bug Litter Bug Why Do You Litter?

2009-04-05T21:36:00.000-07:00

Cigarette butts. What's the deal on smokers and their butts. I suppose a cigarette butt is pretty small in the big picture. Maybe it is even biodegradable. I don't know for sure, but I do know that when one comes flying out of someone's car, that's annoying. Maybe I need to chill.

I have seen smokers take the whole ashtray and dump it one place. Perhaps it is better if they throw their butts around one at a time. Of course there are plenty of garbage cans around that you'd figure a person driving a car would happen by one at some point. Ah, but we kick the smokers around enough as it is.

This post's anecdote is about the vigilante response to littering:

One time I was driving my car minding my own business with a friend of mine along. We were pulling up to a red light with a number of other cars. A passenger in another stopped car in front of us and in the other lane dropped a pop cup out the window. My friend jumped out of the car, picked up the cup and threw it back in the open window. I can't remember if there was still pop in the cup, but in the interest of a good story, let's say there was and it went all over the place. Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!!!!!!

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

2009-04-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, this post is like taking candy from a baby. It's a complaint that we've all heard before, but it bears repeating in this here forum. Why? Because I find it so damn annoying.

Recently while travelling on one of our fine B.C. Ferries vessels I was up on the sun deck. The sun deck had loads of aluminum benches to sit on and enjoy the sun. On each bench was a sign that said, and I kid you not, "Do not leave children unattended on benches as injuries may result." I may not have the words exactly right, but that is certainly close.

I'm not sure if that is as bad as the "This beverage you are about to enjoy is very hot" labels on take out coffee cups (are the people who get coffee in the restaurant in a mug smarter and therefore don't need the helpful message?), but it's in the ballpark. First of all, why are these benches more dangerous than the hundreds of other objects that unattended children can hurt themselves on? Secondly, is this sign going to really change anyone's behaviour? I don't know why, but these types of signs really bug me.

Okay, I feel better now that I got that off my chest. Time for a story...

When I was a youngster of about ten, a friend of mine had one of those cool banana seat bikes with the three speed gearshift. He let me borrow it and I was so enthralled with the gearshift that I was looking down at it for a little too long. I ran right into the back of a parked car. Now why wasn't there a damn sign on the gear shift saying to keep your eyes on the road.